Contentment

God has been teaching me relentlessly these past few weeks. My last post shared with you how He is using my trials and troubles to build me up in purity, understanding, patience, kindness and sincere love, all through the power of the Holy Spirit. In order to grow these precious, priceless qualities within me, He is also teaching me about contentment; How to be satisfied with who I am, what I have, what I don’t have, and where I am in life.

I think that’s something we all struggle with. Both culturally and spiritually—contentment is a constant battle. Commercials, advertisements, the latest gizmos and gadgets; new cars, new homes, clothes, jewelry—we are constantly being smacked by a barrage of messages that say “You’re not good enough!” “You need better things!” “You’re not where you should be!” “Look at what they have!” “Your job sucks!”

And so we yearn. We cry. We covet. We desire for things we don’t need. We beat ourselves—and others—up. We develop a sense of entitlement, when really all these things are just fluff. The only thing we need is Jesus for our spirit, and food, clothing and shelter for our bodies. But in a world where we are grown to desire more, more, more; how can we learn to be satisfied with what we already have and where we are in life?

How can I be content being a 24-year-old woman who is going through a divorce, lives with her parents and is working a career that isn’t quite her passion or what she went to school for? After being on my own and in a relationship for so long, how can I be content depending on my parents and being single and lonely again?

I’ve been trying to discover that answer, and friends, I joyfully proclaim the response to you in this:

 ¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

 ⁹ What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³ That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.

(Ecclesiastes 3: 1-13)

You see, God doesn’t play it by ear, no ad libbing here! Before you were born He knew you, He created you, He planned each step, He knew when you would sin, and He planned out what HE would do in your life. So He knows that there truly is a season for everything.

There was a season when all I wanted was to get out of high school and go to college—and over time that happened. Then the season came where I worked hard through college and longed for the peace of graduation and no more homework—well, in God’s timing that happened too! What I am going through now will not always be! Read verse one again, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…” God says there is a season. Think of spring, summer, fall and winter—they don’t last forever! They last for just a time, and then they change.

I am going through a season of trials, sorrow and loneliness, but that’s all they are; seasons. They won’t last forever! And boy, oh boy does that give me hope! But I know that they are seasons, which means they come back around. This is why God uses each trial to strengthen us and teach us, so we will be better equipped for the next season.

Thank you God for the trials in my life for I know that through them you are building me. I have faith and confidence that this just a season. How long of a season, only You know. But I joyfully give thanks for my trials, and look forward to a sunnier season filled with abundance!

It’s my prayer that this gives you hope to endure whatever it is you’re going through. A little change of perspective can sometimes change your entire outlook, and in turn change how you deal with things.

Which reminds me of a devotional I read from Girlfriends in God a week or so ago. The author lamented about a day when she was so weary and so sick-and-tired of meaningless chores! She angrily mopped the kitchen floors that had just been cleaned and re-dirtied by her children. As she shoved the mop back and forth, all-the-while complaining and grumbling, God gave her a different perspective and she cried out to God. Thank you Lord for strong hands and health to be able to stand and hold this mop! Thank you for this home that I even have a floor to mop in the first place! Thank you for my messy children and the blessing of serving them and cleaning up after them.  (This is my paraphrased version.)

You see, God wants us to be content and thankful in every situation. Lately I’ve found myself complaining under my breath, mad about meaningless things, yearning for things that just aren’t in this season. And God had something to say about it, just a simple one sentence, but clear enough for anyone. “Do everything without complaining or grumbling.” (Philippians 2:14) God desires for us to be thankful and content with what we have, who we are, who HE is, His timing and where we are in life.

He changed my perspective. God, how blessed I am to have loving parents that are willing to take care of me in my season of need. How blessed I am to have good health. How blessed am I to have a wonderful job that pays for more than my needs! How blessed am I to be young and still have so many opportunities before me! God, your blessings are uncountable, You have been so good to me…

Yes, a little change of perspective, the confirmation from God that life comes in seasons, and a grateful attitude—all of these things God has used mightily in me these past few weeks. I pray that this too has blessed you, and that the things I have learned may teach you today.

I’d like to share an incredible sermon I heard this Sunday at church that really melded together all of the things that God has been saying to me. Pastor Rich preached a powerful message called “Godliness with Contentment is Eternal Wealth”. Click here to go to our church website and click on the sermon with the aforementioned title (or just click the play button) to listen to the sermon. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Be encouraged my friends, be encouraged my soul!

Love,

Amanda

Love Is Real

I recently wrote a letter to the Pastors and Elders of my church to express my gratitude to them for all they have done for me in the last year, and to share with them all that God has taught me through this very painful time. It was a hard letter to write, but the Holy Spirit granted me the words of my heart. 

After receiving my letter, the pastors called me in tears and asked if I would share my letter with the church on Sunday. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am one of those weirdos that actually enjoys public speaking. But there's something about the pulpit, our large congregation, and bearing my soul that made my palms sweat, my voice quiver and my stomach nauseas.

I walked, knees knocking, up to the stage and before I even began speaking, I was in tears. I read my letter, and sobbed the whole time. It's been a long, hard road, and it's not over. I'm still journeying this path and going through so much. It's difficult to expose your true weaknesses to so many people. But when you do--such a rewarding thing happens--people rally around you, support you, and most importantly: they understand you in a real and true manner. You see, the most impactful thing we can do for Christ is share boldly what He has done for us. Testimonies, emotion, REAL life experiences are what touch hearts and souls. So as hard as it was, it was also incredibly wonderful.

I would like to share my letter with you as well. I hope that it inspires you. I pray that the Spirit would touch your heart. If you are broken or going through a tough time--I hope you will understand what I have gone through, having discovered my husband's alcoholism and addiction to crystal meth (among many other things) and then going through a divorce as he chose to leave me. I want to use my pain to show you that God can heal you too. If He could bring me through this, He can certainly bring you through too...

(Below is my letter)

Dear Pastors,

              I would like to humbly express my gratitude for all of your prayers and love for me throughout this past year. It has been by far the toughest season of my life and still continues to be a daily struggle. As I reflect on the last year and all that the Lord has brought me through, I cannot keep my heart from singing His praise, even through my tears. He has held me together in every moment. He has heard each prayer, wiped away every tear and filled every lonely void in my heart. His presence in my life is undeniable; and, although I have never felt so broken and hurt, I have also never felt so incredibly loved and fulfilled. To the world this makes no sense, but to my soul that has found peace in Christ—nothing has ever been so perfectly clear. Jesus can make anyone whole—even when so many pieces are missing—because He himself is able to become those missing pieces. When I thought I had lost it all, I discovered that I had all I needed in Christ Jesus, the lover of soul, my brother and best friend. It brings me to tears all over again, but this time, they are tears of joy.

              When my husband left me I was, and still am, devastated. As things progressively got worse I began to think that love was a lie; that all I had known about love was untrue. I began to question God’s love. Many people who I thought would be there for me weren't. They didn’t call, or write, or check on me. It was too much drama, too much to handle, too much work. They didn’t know what to say, so they didn’t say anything at all.
            We read that God is love, and that God sent His Son who died for us, and through this we can see His love. We read it, and try our best to believe it. But it’s not until someone shows us, and we experience God’s true love that we actually believe it.

            I want to thank you, and the saints of our amazing church, for showing me what true, Godly, Christ-like love really is. When I had given up on love, God demonstrated His love all around me, through so many people in our church. I received calls, letters, cards, e-mails, visits and more from people who loved me—even people I didn’t know. They wanted me to know that they love me, and more importantly, that God loves me.  Many shared their experiences with me and I began to realize that I wasn’t alone in what I was going through. Even those who didn’t understand what I was going through still knew what to say to me, because they know God’s word.

            I understand now why in James it says to have joy in trials; I understand now how trials create perseverance, hope and faith. When everything fell apart I knew there were two paths before me: I could allow this tragedy to break me and ruin everything, or I could hold fast to Christ and allow it to strengthen me and mold me. It’s obvious what the right path is, but walking it is another story.

            I cannot praise God enough for the love and strength I have found at Rockville Bible Church. You have prayed for me and with me. You have cried for me, and with me. My brothers and sisters made sure I didn’t fall away. Words could never express how God used Mike and Stephanie to change my life and draw me closer to Him. They showed me more love than I have ever known and they refused to let me fall away. My heart overflows with gratitude and sings a new song because of the love I have been shown.

            My friends, family and coworkers kept saying things to me like, “I’m so amazed at how well you’re doing,” and, “How are you getting through this?”

            In December, I came to the church for a movie night and watched Louie Giglio’s sermon “Hope When Life Hurts Most”. It sounded like something I needed to hear. In his sermon he said that the trials in our lives are like megaphones to the world. The way we react tells everyone around us a story. I began to think about my story, and what it’s telling the people around me. I thought about how people kept telling me how good I was doing despite the circumstances. And even though I felt so broken, I realized that God was being glorified through my brokenness. And I came to accept and be thankful for this heartbreak, because through my pain, people were seeing God’s great love moving. They saw love as real thing, able to heal hearts and mend broken lives. I began to finally understand Jesus’ pain, and why He would willingly lay down His own life.

I finally understand that great, great love; the love that glorifies the Father and speaks to the hearts of men through pain and struggles. My life is a megaphone and my trials are not just speaking they are yelling to everyone around me that GOD is bigger than my broken heart, that He has saved me and held me together—and in the end, that makes every fallen tear and every lonely night worth it.

            I praise God for His mercies. I can truly sing now, “This is the day that the LORD has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!” Not only can I sing it, but I actually mean it.

            I am still in so much pain and my heart is still broken. I am still haunted by my broken marriage and crushed by this divorce, but I know now that Jesus is more than enough for me. I read a church sign recently that said “Smooth seas don’t make for skilled sailors,” and I couldn’t stop laughing—because now I understand and am thankful for stormy seas. In my pain and sorrow I have come to know the Lord’s truth and love. Have I mentioned that I’m thankful? Because I just can’t stop saying it! Thank you!!! I love you!

            Even after all these months when others have stopped calling and have forgotten my pain—my brothers and sisters have remained faithful in checking on me and praying for me. As I journey down this path, please continue to pray for me, as I experience the highs and lows and depressions of this trial. I ask also that you to not stop praying for Valentin. Despite all of the pain he has caused, please do not become embittered. I urge you to love and to pray without ceasing for him; having faith that the Lord loves his prodigal son and is awaiting his return.

            I thank you again for showing me such love and grace, and praise God for the work He is doing through you and your ministry. I pray for you often and will continue to do so. Praise God for broken hearts and healed souls; praise God from whom all blessings flow.

            In Christ’s Love,

           

            Amanda

Click here to listen online to the great sermon Pastor Rich gave afterwards about Serving One Another In Love.

My Love Song

Lately I've been getting back into the habit of expressing myself through written word--whether it's blogging, journaling, writing prayers or poetry--I find that I feel most comforted and at peace when I'm writing. Not only that but I learn best when I meditate and write as well. I'd like to share with you a poem/song I wrote a few months ago when my life was in such deep turmoil. I wrote it looking back on all that I had overcome and looking ahead at the wonderful things in store.

My Love Song

I felt so very broken,
As if I were unwhole.
So I searched for missing pieces
To complete my lonely soul.

Although I knew you God,
My struggles still were great.
Constantly tempted to sin,
Turning back far too late.

I walked with you there
In the valley of death.
But did not trust you Lord,
When my faith you did test.

The winds the blew me over.
The skies they darkened black.
The rivers they arose,
With Satan at my back.

And the wind blew harder still,
Bringing me to my knees—
It was there I found you Lord,
It was there I found your peace.

I cried out to you,
For mercy I did plea,
“Deliver me dear Jesus!
My Lord, rescue me!”

The Prince of Peace heard
My brother he answered me.
He gave me the strength I needed
To sail through stormy seas.

The winds and waves they howled,
The father of lies, he hissed.
He tried to make me fall again,
But all his snares did miss.

Let this be my love song,
A true testament of your grace—
Lord, when I did not have the strength,
You equipped me to run the race.

For Jesus, you did prune me,
Of all my fruitless vines.
In Christ Jesus I am rooted
With all His glory divine.

Nurture me and grow me,
My great Immanuel.
You are God of everything,
May my life this story tell.

To Yaweh be the glory
To God and God alone.
I am just a traveler,
This world is not my home.

You’ve set aside a place for me
A home that’s truly mine
When Heaven’s splendor I will see
For all the rest of time.

There will be more storms
Of troubles, I am sure
But Jesus I will follow
My LORD He will endure!

Rise From The Ashes

Imagine a gloriously peaceful and beautiful forest. The tall, tall trees are growing close together, creating shade and cool weather. The birds are chirping and the deer scamper to a billowing creek for a fresh drink. Plump berries are growing from thorny bushes for big bears to snack on. Old trees are dying and new ones are growing. It’s a complete circle of life, created by God’s hands. 

One particularly hot and sticky day, a ray of sunshine pours down through the thick foliage and rests upon a dried crunchy leaf. In the flash of an eye the once dehydrated leaf is now ablaze in a red hot fury. The leaves around it catch fire, then twigs, fallen branches and trees. In a matter of minutes the once serene forest is now in panic, fighting for life. The birds have all flown away in a giant mass of ruffling feathers. All manner of woodland creatures are running as fast as they can. 

The fire only grows hotter, spreading faster and completely out of control. Smoke billows from the tree tops, blackening the sky with despair. It seems utterly hopeless. The fire runs out of fuel and slowly the flames begin to die down. The forest is now left smoldering—nothing but heaps of charred ashes and coals. Lifeless. 

Or is it? 

You may not know this, but in the great circle of life, fires are essential. You see, even the plants know that sometimes you must burn down to the beginning and rebuild. I learned this lesson once while on a vacation to Mount Lassen. The park ranger told us about the importance of forest fires. You see, over time the forest grows and multiplies, all the while trees are dying, falling and creating all sorts of debris on the forest floor. This dead brush chokes out the nutrients and life and prevents new growth from happening. Eventually a fire will erupt, and when the once lively forest is left a blackened pile of ash, the most glorious thing happens. In an otherwise tragic act of destruction, nature renews the burned remains and allows the ashes to act as fertilizer, a building foundation for an even healthier and more beautiful forest to come. Out of the hopeless ashes spring an even more glorious life.

Now that’s amazing.

When I think about my life and the fires that are raging out of control, I am reminded of the peaceful forest ablaze. While seemingly tragic, the fire is followed by re-growth, and a better life is able to happen—but not until the forest has been burned down to its core.  Now that’s a metaphor, if I do say so myself!

 God can rebuild us from the ashes, just as He designed nature to do so; He also designed our lives in this manner. Trials will come, of that there is no doubt. Fires will rage in our lives—whether small brush fires, or ten alarm fires that burn us to our core—fires are a part of life.

But unlike the plants of the ground—we have been blessed with free will. We have a choice to consider—when fires erupt in our lives, how will we react? Do you see the fire as a hopeless situation, or do you wait optimistically to see what good will come of it? When standing in the middle of the forest, while everything you love and cherish dearly is being burned to the ground—what will you do? How will you allow this to change you? After you are left standing in a bewildering mess of smoke and ash, what do you do?

Nature is a great example of what you should do during a fire, and after a fire. God even tells us in His word to take hope in our hopeless situations. Remember this, my beloved friends: “Everything works together for the good of those that love the Lord.” (Romans 8:28) Without fires, nature comes to a stand still—fires are essential to growth, both in nature, and in our lives.

The Apostle Paul tells us to expect trials, and to see them as great opportunities. “² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1: 2-4) 

Paul knew pain, he was chained and imprisoned. He wasn’t just going through one fire, he was going through multiple—maybe you are too. Maybe you are surrounded by the most painful and heart wrenching situations. But even still—can you see the good? Perhaps you can’t see it yet, my friend, but set your mind and spirit, and trust that good things will come. These fires of life may burn you to the ground, but they grow you as well. Hold on to God and His promises. On your own, you cannot defeat this fire. It is only by His will, through His grace and mercy, and by His strength, that you will be able to overcome. Cling to Him, and allow Him to burn the dead brush from your life and rebuild you. The more fires, the more growth. The more you can withstand and you will persevere through the heat. Let the fires run their course so that you may grow.

I have come to know pain. My life is a forest ablaze. I am tragically and beautifully wounded, but my wounds by no means match those that Jesus Christ endured whilst laying His life down so that I may have life everlasting. I am being burned down to my core, but I refuse to be shaken. I refuse to let anger and bitterness consume me and prevent me from growing. I refuse to continually rip the scabs from my wounds, reopening them and preventing them from healing. Life is a cycle, and with Yahweh, I shall continue—I chose to persevere. 

Photo property of Laponiapictures.com

Precious friends, do not let the fires of this life burn you out. Rather, like the trees and flowers of the forest, rise from the ashes and grow. Like charred tree stumps, your fires may leave you scarred, but do not allow them to hinder your growth—no my beloved, allow your scarred base to remind you of how very far you have come. 

Again, I urge you; do not let the flames of this life consume you. This is only the beginning, you were made for so much more. Fires do not last forever, they burn out and allow for healing. Get up, call on the name of the Lord, rise from these ashes, and grow.

 This song "Rise" by Shawn McDonald has been on my heart, and inspired this blog. To listen to the song, click the YouTube video below.

A Fresh Start

Today was a great day. A tough day, but nevertheless an incredibly blessed day. The Lord has provided for me in so many ways--I can see His hand in everything I do. It is for this reason that I can have confidence through trials, joy in pain, and can grow stronger in my walk with Christ even when my world is crumbling.

My friends, for those of you who do not know, I am going through a separation from my husband. I have lost my very best friend in the whole entire world. The one person who knows me in and out, who has been there through my greatest accomplishments and my worst losses. He has held my hand and has always been there for me, and I for him. But this time, we cannot be together. You see, my precious, beautiful husband is struggling with a devastating addiction. He is a slave to a substance much stronger than him. Please pray for my husband, for his recovery and repentance. I pray only the best for him, despite what he has done to me. I love him not only as a wife, but as a sister in Christ. I have the utmost compassion for him and desire for him to be restored to the Lord, and for his life to become an amazing testimony.

I must not get caught up in the past. Nor can I allow myself to be swept away by the present pain I am experiencing. I must look ahead, and strive for the future.  "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13, 14 NIV) I do not know what God has in store for me, what He has planned. But I do know that I spent countless nights alone, crying on my knees and begging the Lord to hear me and have mercy.

This is not what I had in mind—but then again, what I have in mind is rarely what God has planned—which is always for the best! God knows far better than me! I give Him thanks and praise for having mercy on me, for taking pity, for hearing my cries and pain and wanting a better life for me. Not only for me but for my beloved husband as well. The Lord brought to light his sins because he does not want to see him deteriorate any further. God wants the best for both of us. Of this I can be sure, and for this I am forever thankful.

Please pray for us, and have confidence knowing that God hears our prayers and answers them. 

Thank you, precious Lord for hearing my cries of desperation. Thank for you for seeing what I cannot and for revealing the darkness so that Your light can shine ever brighter. Thank you for growing me, and my husband. Turn our lives and allow us to grow stronger. I pray no matter what, that Your will would be done. Give me strength on the days when I have none left. Give me peace on the nights that I cry instead of sleep. Heal my husband, my best friend, bring him back to You. In Jesus name, Amen.

This is not the end. Although everything is falling apart, I know the Lord will rebuild everything is much more glorious ways. This is only the beginning, a brand new beginning—a fresh start.

Pruning

I’ve been slowly reading an amazing devotional book called “Secrets of The Vine” by Bruce Wilkinson. It focuses on the scriptures found in John 15 where Jesus uses a grape vine as an illustration to describe how God has to prune us in order that we may produce even more fruit.

Here is the scripture, and below are some excerpts from the book. They have been an incredible encouragement to me and have helped me to understand why I am going through this trial…

John 15The Vine and the Branches

 ¹ “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

   ⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷ If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ⁸ This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

(The following excerpts are taken from pages 78-87 of “Secrets of the Vine”.)

Mature pruning is God’s way of helping you put into practice His command to “seek first the kingdom of God.” This is why God will always prune those things that we slavishly seek first, love most, and begrudge giving up. Again, His goal isn’t to plunder or harm, but to liberate us so that we can pursue our true desire—His kingdom.

This kind of pruning goes beyond rearranging priorities to the heart of what defines us—the people we love, the possessions we cling to, our deep sense of personal rights. These are the very arenas God must rule if we are to bear fruit…

…God may be asking you to give up your “right” to be married, to have children, or to achieve a particular kind of success. God may be inviting you to follow Christ without the support of your closest family members—possibly even enduring their hatred and rejection because of your faith. If so, He is pruning closely to what really matters to you—not to take something good from you, but to become Lord of all you desire…

…We go through long seasons in our faith walk when we’re unable to answer questions like Why? and How long? We only know Who—our loving Father—and He has proven worthy of our trust. He asks us to let go of reasons, of rights, of fears, and simply throw our arms around His neck. At those times we can pray: “Father, I’m hanging on to You. You can do whatever You want. Just carry me through.”…

…The prize at stake here is your God-given need for a sense of worth and purpose. For Abraham, it was his miracle son, Isaac. For Gideon, it was his large army. What is it for you? ...

…Here is a testimony to the goal of mature pruning: that you will finally be so surrendered to God that everything you now love dearly—even worthy activities and goals—will be let go into God’s sovereign keeping. What remains in your grip is one passion, one goal, one unhindered opportunity: to bear more fruit.

The truth is, Christians who have experienced deep pruning don’t focus on what is left behind anyway. They’re given to courageous, hope-filled, forward-straining prayers on the order of this one from author John Piper: “Lord, let me make a difference for you that is utterly disproportionate to who I am.”…

…I am not inviting you to ask for pruning. Trials will come. The question is simply whether or not you will let the purposeful pruning of God do its work in you, or let it go to waste.

In pruning, how you respond makes all the difference. You can complain, rebel, compromise, or run away. Or you can experience the joy, comfort, and rest that come to disciples who keep their eyes on the prize, not the pain. Listen to Peter describe how some Christians in his day were triumphing in the middle of severe testing:

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory.” (1 Peter 1:6-8)

I am definitely being pruned, and I pray that I may grow stronger and be able to produce more fruit through this trial, and that God would be glorified.

Be encouraged my friends, be encouraged my soul!

With love,

Amanda Q

This song has been stuck in my head all day. It's called "Beautiful Things" by Gungor.

"You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust.
You make beautiful things,
you make beautiful things out of us."

Click here to here the song on YouTube.

Suffocating

Today I feel like I’m suffocating. My lungs are working, air is filtering in and out of my body—in every sense I am breathing; and yet, I am suffocating.

Physical pain just doesn’t compare to emotional pain. I am a broken person. My heart has been shattered, leaving shard remains to further inflict pain and misery.

Wow, that was depressing wasn’t it? What happened to the “encouraging” message of my blog? Well, like I’ve told you before—this blog isn’t for you, it’s for me. So hold tight with me while I release some of the agonizing pain that I am in.

Photo from http://navneet023.wordpress.com/
2009/08/08/so-are-you-suffocating/

Pain can be a good thing…if you let it be. I am broken now, but I won’t always be, unless I continually dwell on my brokenness and feel hopeless and don’t try to make things better. No, I refuse to be a victim any longer, and I refuse to be a victim of my own broken heart.

It may take a while. The pain is something I must experience in order to be able to grow stronger. But I won’t let this defeat me. I won’t let this ruin everything I have worked for. I am still beautiful, I am still strong, I am still successful, I am still loved, and I am still a child of the Most High God!

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know where my relationship will go. I know what I want, but I don’t know what GOD has in store…and maybe it’s better that way! But I do know that “Everything works together for the good of them that love the Lord.” (Romans 8:28) 

I must take baby steps. One day at a time. I must keep my eyes pointed upwards and my prayers constant. Just like physical wounds, emotional wounds will heal with time too…so long as I don’t keep ripping off the scab and causing it to bleed. 

So I’m taking a deep breath, gathering myself, and saying a prayer. I pray that if you have ever felt this way, or are feeling this way, that God would give the strength you need to make it through. I pray God will heal our hearts. Most of all, I pray God will make a way through this endless dessert of depression. 

Be encouraged my friends, be encouraged my soul.

With love,

Amanda Q

p.s. This song is a great encouragement! Take a listen my friends :)

Mr. Talkbox "Everything Works Together"