Making The Grade Is Not Enough

One sunny morning two weeks ago I awoke early with a cheerful disposition. (This may seem normal to you but the words “early” and “cheerful” along with “morning” are about as rare as a blue moon in my life.) “Today is the day!” I said with a smile as I jumped out of bed. “Today is the day I will go down to the courthouse and close this chapter of my life!” So I got dressed and skipped my way downtown. I prayed all the way, “God I know you’ve drawn this divorce process out for a purpose, but I am praying boldly and faithfully that you will wrap this up…today!”

I turned a corner to get in line for some free legal help. After nearly two hours in line my sunny disposition had not changed. I was so hopeful. I stepped up to the counter, explained my situation to a quizzical woman. She took my paperwork and came back a few minutes later. “I’m so sorry,” she said as my heart sank, “but the only person who can guide you in this matter is on vacation. I’m afraid you’ll have to come back in two weeks.”

My fellow divorcees in line looked at me with such sad faces “We’re so sorry!” they said, hoping for better for themselves. “It’s okay,” I told them, “what’s two more weeks?” But as I walked away down the hall, with each clickety clack of my heels, my heart was singing a much less hopeful song. “But God I was so sure, and I prayed with boldness like you word tells me to. I’ve done the things you’ve asked me to. My heart has changed. I’ve learned contentment. I’ve been sharing your love with others. I just don’t understand.”

Friend, I’d like to tell you that I’ve had a divine revelation in the last two weeks—but I haven’t. I’d like to say I know exactly why God is holding this back still—but I don’t. But you know what? That’s okay—really, I mean it—it’s okay! God has taught me about loving Him, following Him faithfully, being content and being patient. Through this last year He has taught me these things and maybe, just maybe, He is testing my faith to see whether or not I will walk the walk. It’s one thing to study hard and regurgitate the right answers on the test—but months later, do you still remember what you learned in class, can you apply it to your life and actually use it? Or did you just study enough to get by, and now all that time spent in class was a complete waste because you don’t remember a thing?

There it is! Did you catch that? There it is! The revelation I have been searching for—it’s not enough to simply pass the test—no, we must continually study and put into use what we have learned, lest we completely forget it and have to go through the class and test again. I am reminded of a scripture in the book of James, chapter one, verses 22-25. “²² Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. ²³ Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴ and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵ But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.”

I’m in tears, God is so good. He is a perfect Teacher. He doesn’t just want us to get good grades; He wants us to actually use the wisdom He gives us. He doesn’t want us to continually struggle with the same things over and over. He desires for us to blossom and grow, to produce fruit, to move on to the next class.

I have my prerequisites for life; I have passed the beginners class. But do I remember enough from it to pass the next?

I know that this is about walking in faith, about persevering through long suffering and continuing to be hopeful and have faith. Like Jesus said, ⁹ “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” (Luke 11:9). Jesus says don’t give up! Keep going, no matter how many times you have to pound on the door, eventually someone will get up and open it!

As I read Luke 11:9 and I prepare to go again to court I am reminded of the story Jesus shared about the persistent widow in Luke 18: Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. ² He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. ³ And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

⁴ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, ⁵ yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

⁶ And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. ⁷ And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? ⁸ I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly…

You know what I really love about that scripture? The part that says the purpose of the story Jesus shared was to encourage His disciples to “always pray and not give up.” You see, faith is easy when you get what you want. But it’s a heck of a lot more challenging when every door you try to open is locked. But don’t be discouraged! Jesus wants us to use what we learned, to continue to walk in faith, to keep knocking, to keep seeking, to “prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness and our sincere love…” (2 Cor. 6:6).

Lord, I pray that I will remember Your Word and all that You have taught me and brought me through. I know that the greatest way to remember is to continually read my Bible and pray. Forgive me for being lazy and not studying enough. Help me Lord to be successful in this longsuffering—to keep knocking, to keep seeking—knowing that You will deliver justice to me. I know that every day and every moment has a purpose. I know that all things are working together. You are God, I am not. When I prayed for you to wrap things up “today” what I was really saying was “wrap this up my way”. Forgive me Lord, may Your will be done, not mine. For I know that You have used this to make me new. So now my God I pray, please wrap this up Your way. However long it takes or whatever I have to do—I know it’s in your hands. I don’t need to worry. You will deliver me. I have faith and I boldly pray that you will go before me. Please set me free and help me to move on. But more than anything Lord, use this time in my life to draw me close to you—no matter the cost.

So I will keep knocking and seeking for my God has told me that He will ensure justice for me, and quickly—and wouldn’t you know it, my two weeks is almost over…

Be encouraged my friends, be encouraged my soul!

Love,

Amanda

Contentment

God has been teaching me relentlessly these past few weeks. My last post shared with you how He is using my trials and troubles to build me up in purity, understanding, patience, kindness and sincere love, all through the power of the Holy Spirit. In order to grow these precious, priceless qualities within me, He is also teaching me about contentment; How to be satisfied with who I am, what I have, what I don’t have, and where I am in life.

I think that’s something we all struggle with. Both culturally and spiritually—contentment is a constant battle. Commercials, advertisements, the latest gizmos and gadgets; new cars, new homes, clothes, jewelry—we are constantly being smacked by a barrage of messages that say “You’re not good enough!” “You need better things!” “You’re not where you should be!” “Look at what they have!” “Your job sucks!”

And so we yearn. We cry. We covet. We desire for things we don’t need. We beat ourselves—and others—up. We develop a sense of entitlement, when really all these things are just fluff. The only thing we need is Jesus for our spirit, and food, clothing and shelter for our bodies. But in a world where we are grown to desire more, more, more; how can we learn to be satisfied with what we already have and where we are in life?

How can I be content being a 24-year-old woman who is going through a divorce, lives with her parents and is working a career that isn’t quite her passion or what she went to school for? After being on my own and in a relationship for so long, how can I be content depending on my parents and being single and lonely again?

I’ve been trying to discover that answer, and friends, I joyfully proclaim the response to you in this:

 ¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

 ⁹ What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³ That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.

(Ecclesiastes 3: 1-13)

You see, God doesn’t play it by ear, no ad libbing here! Before you were born He knew you, He created you, He planned each step, He knew when you would sin, and He planned out what HE would do in your life. So He knows that there truly is a season for everything.

There was a season when all I wanted was to get out of high school and go to college—and over time that happened. Then the season came where I worked hard through college and longed for the peace of graduation and no more homework—well, in God’s timing that happened too! What I am going through now will not always be! Read verse one again, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…” God says there is a season. Think of spring, summer, fall and winter—they don’t last forever! They last for just a time, and then they change.

I am going through a season of trials, sorrow and loneliness, but that’s all they are; seasons. They won’t last forever! And boy, oh boy does that give me hope! But I know that they are seasons, which means they come back around. This is why God uses each trial to strengthen us and teach us, so we will be better equipped for the next season.

Thank you God for the trials in my life for I know that through them you are building me. I have faith and confidence that this just a season. How long of a season, only You know. But I joyfully give thanks for my trials, and look forward to a sunnier season filled with abundance!

It’s my prayer that this gives you hope to endure whatever it is you’re going through. A little change of perspective can sometimes change your entire outlook, and in turn change how you deal with things.

Which reminds me of a devotional I read from Girlfriends in God a week or so ago. The author lamented about a day when she was so weary and so sick-and-tired of meaningless chores! She angrily mopped the kitchen floors that had just been cleaned and re-dirtied by her children. As she shoved the mop back and forth, all-the-while complaining and grumbling, God gave her a different perspective and she cried out to God. Thank you Lord for strong hands and health to be able to stand and hold this mop! Thank you for this home that I even have a floor to mop in the first place! Thank you for my messy children and the blessing of serving them and cleaning up after them.  (This is my paraphrased version.)

You see, God wants us to be content and thankful in every situation. Lately I’ve found myself complaining under my breath, mad about meaningless things, yearning for things that just aren’t in this season. And God had something to say about it, just a simple one sentence, but clear enough for anyone. “Do everything without complaining or grumbling.” (Philippians 2:14) God desires for us to be thankful and content with what we have, who we are, who HE is, His timing and where we are in life.

He changed my perspective. God, how blessed I am to have loving parents that are willing to take care of me in my season of need. How blessed I am to have good health. How blessed am I to have a wonderful job that pays for more than my needs! How blessed am I to be young and still have so many opportunities before me! God, your blessings are uncountable, You have been so good to me…

Yes, a little change of perspective, the confirmation from God that life comes in seasons, and a grateful attitude—all of these things God has used mightily in me these past few weeks. I pray that this too has blessed you, and that the things I have learned may teach you today.

I’d like to share an incredible sermon I heard this Sunday at church that really melded together all of the things that God has been saying to me. Pastor Rich preached a powerful message called “Godliness with Contentment is Eternal Wealth”. Click here to go to our church website and click on the sermon with the aforementioned title (or just click the play button) to listen to the sermon. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Be encouraged my friends, be encouraged my soul!

Love,

Amanda

Love Is Real

I recently wrote a letter to the Pastors and Elders of my church to express my gratitude to them for all they have done for me in the last year, and to share with them all that God has taught me through this very painful time. It was a hard letter to write, but the Holy Spirit granted me the words of my heart. 

After receiving my letter, the pastors called me in tears and asked if I would share my letter with the church on Sunday. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am one of those weirdos that actually enjoys public speaking. But there's something about the pulpit, our large congregation, and bearing my soul that made my palms sweat, my voice quiver and my stomach nauseas.

I walked, knees knocking, up to the stage and before I even began speaking, I was in tears. I read my letter, and sobbed the whole time. It's been a long, hard road, and it's not over. I'm still journeying this path and going through so much. It's difficult to expose your true weaknesses to so many people. But when you do--such a rewarding thing happens--people rally around you, support you, and most importantly: they understand you in a real and true manner. You see, the most impactful thing we can do for Christ is share boldly what He has done for us. Testimonies, emotion, REAL life experiences are what touch hearts and souls. So as hard as it was, it was also incredibly wonderful.

I would like to share my letter with you as well. I hope that it inspires you. I pray that the Spirit would touch your heart. If you are broken or going through a tough time--I hope you will understand what I have gone through, having discovered my husband's alcoholism and addiction to crystal meth (among many other things) and then going through a divorce as he chose to leave me. I want to use my pain to show you that God can heal you too. If He could bring me through this, He can certainly bring you through too...

(Below is my letter)

Dear Pastors,

              I would like to humbly express my gratitude for all of your prayers and love for me throughout this past year. It has been by far the toughest season of my life and still continues to be a daily struggle. As I reflect on the last year and all that the Lord has brought me through, I cannot keep my heart from singing His praise, even through my tears. He has held me together in every moment. He has heard each prayer, wiped away every tear and filled every lonely void in my heart. His presence in my life is undeniable; and, although I have never felt so broken and hurt, I have also never felt so incredibly loved and fulfilled. To the world this makes no sense, but to my soul that has found peace in Christ—nothing has ever been so perfectly clear. Jesus can make anyone whole—even when so many pieces are missing—because He himself is able to become those missing pieces. When I thought I had lost it all, I discovered that I had all I needed in Christ Jesus, the lover of soul, my brother and best friend. It brings me to tears all over again, but this time, they are tears of joy.

              When my husband left me I was, and still am, devastated. As things progressively got worse I began to think that love was a lie; that all I had known about love was untrue. I began to question God’s love. Many people who I thought would be there for me weren't. They didn’t call, or write, or check on me. It was too much drama, too much to handle, too much work. They didn’t know what to say, so they didn’t say anything at all.
            We read that God is love, and that God sent His Son who died for us, and through this we can see His love. We read it, and try our best to believe it. But it’s not until someone shows us, and we experience God’s true love that we actually believe it.

            I want to thank you, and the saints of our amazing church, for showing me what true, Godly, Christ-like love really is. When I had given up on love, God demonstrated His love all around me, through so many people in our church. I received calls, letters, cards, e-mails, visits and more from people who loved me—even people I didn’t know. They wanted me to know that they love me, and more importantly, that God loves me.  Many shared their experiences with me and I began to realize that I wasn’t alone in what I was going through. Even those who didn’t understand what I was going through still knew what to say to me, because they know God’s word.

            I understand now why in James it says to have joy in trials; I understand now how trials create perseverance, hope and faith. When everything fell apart I knew there were two paths before me: I could allow this tragedy to break me and ruin everything, or I could hold fast to Christ and allow it to strengthen me and mold me. It’s obvious what the right path is, but walking it is another story.

            I cannot praise God enough for the love and strength I have found at Rockville Bible Church. You have prayed for me and with me. You have cried for me, and with me. My brothers and sisters made sure I didn’t fall away. Words could never express how God used Mike and Stephanie to change my life and draw me closer to Him. They showed me more love than I have ever known and they refused to let me fall away. My heart overflows with gratitude and sings a new song because of the love I have been shown.

            My friends, family and coworkers kept saying things to me like, “I’m so amazed at how well you’re doing,” and, “How are you getting through this?”

            In December, I came to the church for a movie night and watched Louie Giglio’s sermon “Hope When Life Hurts Most”. It sounded like something I needed to hear. In his sermon he said that the trials in our lives are like megaphones to the world. The way we react tells everyone around us a story. I began to think about my story, and what it’s telling the people around me. I thought about how people kept telling me how good I was doing despite the circumstances. And even though I felt so broken, I realized that God was being glorified through my brokenness. And I came to accept and be thankful for this heartbreak, because through my pain, people were seeing God’s great love moving. They saw love as real thing, able to heal hearts and mend broken lives. I began to finally understand Jesus’ pain, and why He would willingly lay down His own life.

I finally understand that great, great love; the love that glorifies the Father and speaks to the hearts of men through pain and struggles. My life is a megaphone and my trials are not just speaking they are yelling to everyone around me that GOD is bigger than my broken heart, that He has saved me and held me together—and in the end, that makes every fallen tear and every lonely night worth it.

            I praise God for His mercies. I can truly sing now, “This is the day that the LORD has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!” Not only can I sing it, but I actually mean it.

            I am still in so much pain and my heart is still broken. I am still haunted by my broken marriage and crushed by this divorce, but I know now that Jesus is more than enough for me. I read a church sign recently that said “Smooth seas don’t make for skilled sailors,” and I couldn’t stop laughing—because now I understand and am thankful for stormy seas. In my pain and sorrow I have come to know the Lord’s truth and love. Have I mentioned that I’m thankful? Because I just can’t stop saying it! Thank you!!! I love you!

            Even after all these months when others have stopped calling and have forgotten my pain—my brothers and sisters have remained faithful in checking on me and praying for me. As I journey down this path, please continue to pray for me, as I experience the highs and lows and depressions of this trial. I ask also that you to not stop praying for Valentin. Despite all of the pain he has caused, please do not become embittered. I urge you to love and to pray without ceasing for him; having faith that the Lord loves his prodigal son and is awaiting his return.

            I thank you again for showing me such love and grace, and praise God for the work He is doing through you and your ministry. I pray for you often and will continue to do so. Praise God for broken hearts and healed souls; praise God from whom all blessings flow.

            In Christ’s Love,

           

            Amanda

Click here to listen online to the great sermon Pastor Rich gave afterwards about Serving One Another In Love.

My Love Song

Lately I've been getting back into the habit of expressing myself through written word--whether it's blogging, journaling, writing prayers or poetry--I find that I feel most comforted and at peace when I'm writing. Not only that but I learn best when I meditate and write as well. I'd like to share with you a poem/song I wrote a few months ago when my life was in such deep turmoil. I wrote it looking back on all that I had overcome and looking ahead at the wonderful things in store.

My Love Song

I felt so very broken,
As if I were unwhole.
So I searched for missing pieces
To complete my lonely soul.

Although I knew you God,
My struggles still were great.
Constantly tempted to sin,
Turning back far too late.

I walked with you there
In the valley of death.
But did not trust you Lord,
When my faith you did test.

The winds the blew me over.
The skies they darkened black.
The rivers they arose,
With Satan at my back.

And the wind blew harder still,
Bringing me to my knees—
It was there I found you Lord,
It was there I found your peace.

I cried out to you,
For mercy I did plea,
“Deliver me dear Jesus!
My Lord, rescue me!”

The Prince of Peace heard
My brother he answered me.
He gave me the strength I needed
To sail through stormy seas.

The winds and waves they howled,
The father of lies, he hissed.
He tried to make me fall again,
But all his snares did miss.

Let this be my love song,
A true testament of your grace—
Lord, when I did not have the strength,
You equipped me to run the race.

For Jesus, you did prune me,
Of all my fruitless vines.
In Christ Jesus I am rooted
With all His glory divine.

Nurture me and grow me,
My great Immanuel.
You are God of everything,
May my life this story tell.

To Yaweh be the glory
To God and God alone.
I am just a traveler,
This world is not my home.

You’ve set aside a place for me
A home that’s truly mine
When Heaven’s splendor I will see
For all the rest of time.

There will be more storms
Of troubles, I am sure
But Jesus I will follow
My LORD He will endure!

Perseverance

I am on a roller coaster of emotions. I am up soaring up, then plummeting down, going through loops and tunnels…and wondering when the ride will come to that sudden, chest pounding stop.

What I am going through is a great trial, a true personal tragedy. You don’t need my specifics, but I’m sure you can relate. We’ve all been there; we’ve all been through hardships, been hurt by someone.

But there is hope. I know right now my pain and agony seems endless. I cry out to God like David did when he wrote those depressing, heart-wrenching Psalms. But I trust and have faith that while this trial is painful now—GOOD things will come from this. GOOD things will come again.

Already this trial has shaped me and grown me. Already my relationships have become closer. I can already see the fruit of this turmoil.

There is a favorite scripture of mine that has held my hand through many a situations, and it rings even clearer through this hard time…

“ ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1: 2-4

Perseverance— that’s what this is all about. It’s about getting through each plummeting fall and rising again. Building enough speed to make it through the falls, so you may have speed left over to rise to the top again.

Be encouraged my friends, and be encouraged my heart and soul!

“…Weeping may last for the night, but joy is coming in the morning.” Psalm 30:5