A Fresh Start

Today was a great day. A tough day, but nevertheless an incredibly blessed day. The Lord has provided for me in so many ways--I can see His hand in everything I do. It is for this reason that I can have confidence through trials, joy in pain, and can grow stronger in my walk with Christ even when my world is crumbling.

My friends, for those of you who do not know, I am going through a separation from my husband. I have lost my very best friend in the whole entire world. The one person who knows me in and out, who has been there through my greatest accomplishments and my worst losses. He has held my hand and has always been there for me, and I for him. But this time, we cannot be together. You see, my precious, beautiful husband is struggling with a devastating addiction. He is a slave to a substance much stronger than him. Please pray for my husband, for his recovery and repentance. I pray only the best for him, despite what he has done to me. I love him not only as a wife, but as a sister in Christ. I have the utmost compassion for him and desire for him to be restored to the Lord, and for his life to become an amazing testimony.

I must not get caught up in the past. Nor can I allow myself to be swept away by the present pain I am experiencing. I must look ahead, and strive for the future.  "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13, 14 NIV) I do not know what God has in store for me, what He has planned. But I do know that I spent countless nights alone, crying on my knees and begging the Lord to hear me and have mercy.

This is not what I had in mind—but then again, what I have in mind is rarely what God has planned—which is always for the best! God knows far better than me! I give Him thanks and praise for having mercy on me, for taking pity, for hearing my cries and pain and wanting a better life for me. Not only for me but for my beloved husband as well. The Lord brought to light his sins because he does not want to see him deteriorate any further. God wants the best for both of us. Of this I can be sure, and for this I am forever thankful.

Please pray for us, and have confidence knowing that God hears our prayers and answers them. 

Thank you, precious Lord for hearing my cries of desperation. Thank for you for seeing what I cannot and for revealing the darkness so that Your light can shine ever brighter. Thank you for growing me, and my husband. Turn our lives and allow us to grow stronger. I pray no matter what, that Your will would be done. Give me strength on the days when I have none left. Give me peace on the nights that I cry instead of sleep. Heal my husband, my best friend, bring him back to You. In Jesus name, Amen.

This is not the end. Although everything is falling apart, I know the Lord will rebuild everything is much more glorious ways. This is only the beginning, a brand new beginning—a fresh start.