A Life Without Fear: The Year of Adventure!

I was 23 years old when my husband of seven months left me. I had just begun my life, and yet it was over at the same time. The earth and everything I held dear crumbled beneath my feet. I was shattered. I was broken. I was alone, and I was lonely. I looked at my past and thought, “How did I ever end up here?” I looked at my ghastly circumstances and pondered, “What am I doing?” and then hopelessly wondered, “Where am I going?”

The truth is—I had accepted Jesus Christ into my heart and life when I was 18 years old, but I wasn’t living for Him. (I certainly thought I was at the time, but that’s the funny thing about time, you see things so differently in retrospect.) I prayed and asked for things, but I didn’t really believe they would happen. I went to church and enjoyed it. I went on mission trips and at times was on fire with passion, but my flames always smoldered. I overslept instead of reading my Bible. I overslept on spiritual growth. I ignored the things God wanted and instead replaced them with things I wanted—after all, this is my life. I built my life around the man I loved, and who loved me…or so I thought. He was my foundation. He was my rock. He was the center of my happiness.

 He was also the chain around my neck that ultimately sunk me and anchored me to the dark and murky depths of depression, to which I was tethered for a grueling 12 months.

I was a house built on sand. When the storms came, I was beaten, ripped to pieces, my foundation creaked and moaned. My boards splintered, my beams broke. Every piece of me was washed away and destroyed. And there I stood, in the middle of the storm, completely exposed.

Sometimes God only needs to remodel you: add a little paint, maybe even strip off the last layer first, lay down new floors, and add some décor. But not me. My spirit was a house condemned. “Not fit to live in,” said the sign across the door of my heart. God knew the work that needed to be done. Not even my foundation could be salvaged. 

So he ripped it down. All of it. He ripped it away. It was tragic, it was painful, it was horrible. And yet, it was freeing, it was beautiful, it was a relief. In the year that followed, I suffered through muddy depressions and struggled to figure out who I was. What do I like to do with my time? What kind of woman am I? Is this who I want to be? 

Then God began to rebuild. He carefully chose a solid Rock foundation (Himself), and lovingly selected each beam, and he built me anew: a completely different design. I am a new woman. I have a renewed love and vigor for Jesus Christ and His ministry of love. My past is gone, and here I am, stronger than ever because of the nightmares that I have endured. God had to rip down everything I had built by my own selfish desires, and he had to rebuild me from the ground up, to be the woman he always planned for me to be.

And Dear Lord, oh how I am thankful; thankful for the searing pain, and for the healing. I know God is a God of compassion and that he truly does bind up the broken hearted. I know, for he has healed my broken heart.

As I reflected on the year 2012, I say goodbye to it with both exasperation and happiness. There was good, and there was very bad. There was pain, and there was joy. I had finally begun to live my life, and not only so, but I dared to even enjoy it too! I thought about my humble circumstances, how far I had come, and what lies ahead in the future.

The last year and a half have been a sojourn to say the least. I realized that over the years, I had somehow spun a web of fear in my mind so thick that I had convinced myself that there were invisible limits on my life. “I can’t do this!” I would say. “I cannot do that!” Echoed my mind. “I’m too scared!” “I might be hurt.” “I can’t do it alone.”

LIES. All of it. Satan’s whispers in my ears, deceiving me as if it were my own voice reasoning with myself. Convincing me of a long list of things I could not do. I couldn’t have fun. I couldn’t go out. I couldn’t be alone. I couldn’t do so many things.

Well I’m done with can’ts. I’m done with a life that is limited to the boring and safe. I am done being controlled by fear. I AM A NEW CREATION IN CHRIST (2 Corinthians 5:17) and I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH! (Philippians 4:13) Obviously the long list of fears and “can’ts” that I had constructed over the years were a lie. 

So I made a decision. I decided to live a life without fear. There is no more room for fear in my heart. There is no more room at all. Christ died so that I may have life, and not only that, but so I would enjoy it. Every day that speeds by will never come again. It is time to live this life that I have been blessed with. It is time to step out of the door…and go on a few of adventures. 

So this is it, 2013: The Year of Adventures! I have made a list of things I have always been too afraid to do, or have somehow convinced myself that I could not do. I am going to check those things off my list. Cross them off with great satisfaction and joy. I am going to live this beautiful life that God gave me, with Him leading the way, and guiding me. I choose to walk in love and joy (even when sadness comes my way) and seek the adventure and fun in each opportunity.

Join me friends, in laying down your fears, taking up your crosses and living the purposeful lives that you were made for. You won’t regret it.

Adventure #1: January 6^th, 2013 –Skydiving

I cry at the top of roller coasters. Yes. It’s true; I really am that much of a wimp. Or should I say used to be. 

Today, my best friend of 16 years and I drove to NorCal Skydiving in Cloverdale, CA and took the plunge. I was ecstatic. There wasn’t one moment that I was afraid. I was overjoyed. I loved the plane ride up; I loved the jump, the freefall, the landing. I have never in my life felt so peaceful and serene as I was when freefalling and looking over the glorious beauty of the land.

It was a perfect adventure, and something I had convinced myself was far too dangerous and scary for the likes of me. As we floated down my instructor laughed as I told him how it was nothing like I had nightmares about. He said to me, “You are afraid of things you don’t know anything about! How can you be afraid of something you’ve never done?” And Jimmy was right. How can I fear something I have not done? For years I limited myself, and yet here I was careening down to the earth from 13,000 in the air, tears ripping from my eyes and the biggest smile on my face and my heart. I didn’t even scream.

Today was the best birthday ever. 

Here’s to a life without fear.

Here’s to adventures!

Arriving

“She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25

Click-click-click-click-click…on and on go the menacing sounds of the suspenseful ride and gradual incline to the top of the track, all-the-while I’m holding my breath waiting for the unavoidable sudden, stomach clenching drop. I know it’s coming, but I can’t avoid it, it’s too late. I’m already on the coaster, buckled in and in motion. There’s no stopping what is to come…

A brief peaceful moment atop the track, overlooking everything, then in one split-second the wind gushes and blows me back, plummeting seemingly out of control to what surely must be the end. The wind rips tears from my eyes and streaks them across my face. I scream in fear of the unknown and cry out for it to stop, but the coaster continues its journey on. It must finish what it set out to do.  

After the horrific drop down, a wave of relief comes, but it’s short lived. A violent swing of momentum pushes the ride up, up, up, only to pummel back down, then up, and down, going through loops and twists with no sign of relief anywhere to be found on this strange and hopeless ride.

I gaze around but everything is a blur. How did I get here?  How did things get so out of control? God I can’t do this. I need you, please help me! My stomach is in knots and at any given moment I might just hurl everything I’ve ever eaten all of this whole train. When will this end? I think to myself.

As the ride continues I get smarter and learn to brace myself for the coming twists. I learn to look ahead to learn how to react to the different pieces of track. I try not to look too far ahead lest I get overwhelmed and panic, forgetting all I’ve been through and all I’ve learned to make it through.

I learn to cope with the sudden drops and constant blasts of wind. And just when I’m starting to accept the fate of this ride— WHAM the train slams to a stop and I’m pressed hard against the harness, hair windblown around my face.

Slowly the train lurches forward , bewildered I sit back it my seat as my train comes into the loading zone and my hardness clicks open. I pull myself up out of the train and walk to the glowing “exit” sign. As I stop to catch my breath, I look back at all the terrified people in line on the other side. And with a victorious smile I wave confidently to them and bravely proclaim, “It’s not that bad!”

Then I turn and leave for the next coaster, knowing that I can conquer that one too, because hey, I just did the impossible, something I never thought I could and now I stride on with joy and peace, laughing evermore, “bring it on!”

You’ve probably guessed by now that this story is a metaphor of my life this past year. In every way it truly has been a roller coaster. Yes, I’m still going through this divorce, but I feel like my train has come back to the loading zone. I’ve finally made it through the terrifying track, through the deep depression and into a meadow of contentment.

God has blessed me abundantly and taught me more in this past year than I have learned in my whole life. He has taught me about pain, about listening to and following His voice (not my own), He has taught me about perseverance, patience, contentment, grace, mercy, and love. In short, through the tribulation of losing my husband, God has revealed His true heart and His divine nature to me. When I thought there was no way, Jesus showed me His way. When I thought love was a lie, God unmasked the truth.

As I pull myself out of this coaster I am a new woman. I am no longer the scared girl that embarked on this journey. Through the twists and turns, the sudden drops and the fear—God has created me a new being.

I glance back at the roller coaster, and against all odds, I smile and I boldly pray “thank you for the ride,” because I know that although this was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, it was also the greatest. I see where I am now, on the other side and I wouldn’t change a moment. Because here I am, I have arrived…

“If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation. The old has gone away—behold! The new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

The End of Your Rope

I have been so incredibly stressed lately.

You see, my best friend and I have had to move in with my parents during this rather rough transitional period in our lives. It’s not ideal, but we are so very grateful to have a loving family that would take us in—emotional baggage and all. Even though my days are like a roller coaster and the healing process has been hard; I think I’m taking it better than my poor Leila. (By now, I should tell you that Leila is my six-year old black Labrador retriever.) Leila has always had a very independent, wild spirit. She loved living on the ranch. She had 80 acres of open space, a plethora of jack rabbits to chase, horses to run with, and another doggy companion to play with and love.

We have both suffered great loss and change. We moved to the suburbs and she went from 80 acres of freedom to the side of a house, fenced in. I couldn’t take our second dog, so my Leila has also lost her very best friend. I know how she feels. Everything is different now. We’ve lost so much. It’s hard not to focus on all the things you’ve lost—despite of all the wonderful things you do have.

Since the move Leila has become a different dog. She now has severe separation anxiety. She shakes and quivers when I put her outside because she knows it means I will be gone for the next nine hours. Despite heavy anxiety medicines from the vet, she still manages to go crazy. She’s completely chewed through the fence and escaped (twice), she’s learned how to hop the fence (we solved that by moving the trash cans away from the fence), and most recently she has learned to drag extremely heavy cinder blocks away from the fence and dig under the fence. Yeah, she’s very strong willed.

But when she escapes she only runs to the driveway or the front door and simply waits for me to come home. Other times she’s wandered down the paths that we take on our walks. All she wants is to find me. She does whatever she can to seek me. She’s lonely and sad, and during this time when so much is different, I am the one thing that has stayed the same to her—so she will do whatever it takes to get to me.

Wow.
I wish I had that same burning passion for God. To love Him so much that I absolutely need Him. That any time spent wandering away from Him would leave me shaking in sadness because He is my rock, the center of my joy and all that I need to survive. To know that no matter what changes, His love stays the same. What if I pursued a relationship with God in the same manner that my dog tries to seek me? What if I really treated Jesus like my best friend? If I sought Him with exuberant passion and every ounce of strength I had? Wow…I have so much to learn from my dog.

Last night I was in tears over the stress of my poor, anxious and lonely pup. My family is stressed and upset and I am definitely feeling the weight of everyone’s emotions on my shoulders. I was so sad and felt like public enemy number one, hiding in my room with my destructive but oh-so-loving-and-cuddly dog. I prayed to God that He would reveal the solution. That He would give me the strength and knowledge I need. At one point I cried out and said “Lord, I’m at the end of my rope! I just don’t know what to do!” and then I heard him laugh as he smiled and said to me, “Then you need to get a longer rope.”

He has such a good sense of humor, and I heard him loud and clear. “Have patience.” Life might not be ideal, and let’s be honest, it never will be. But that doesn’t mean we throw in the towel and pout and storm around when things are stressful. We shouldn’t give up, ever. I’m not just talking about my dog here people. When life is stressful, when storms are raging and you are blowing around and it seems as though you have lost everything—take a lesson from my dog. Now is not the time to give up; rather, it is time to run faster, dig deeper and seek God with everything you have. Don’t give up, keep seeking him; for it’s in these storms that we need him most. 

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. (Psalm 63:1)

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deuteronomy 4:29)

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

Trust

TRUST—it’s much more than just a four letter word; it’s an action, it’s a feeling. It’s deep and personal. At times it’s easy to do. But once you’ve been burned, it can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Broken trust doesn’t just affect one relationship, but can affect every relationship you will ever have.

 So the question is: once your trust has been destroyed by someone, how can you learn to ever trust anyone again? 

Of course I have struggled with this very problem over the last few months. The issue of trust is on my heart every day. It surges through my brain, racks my body with anxiety and eats away at me. I have come face-to-face with the most devastating realization; that the very closest relationship I’ve ever had was based entirely on lies. 

I won’t go into details about my deteriorated marriage or even my heart breaking divorce. This blog isn’t about him, it’s about me. And up until six months or so ago, he was a part of me—and to some extent he still is—but that part is fading and I am learning how to be just Amanda once again. So like I’ve said before, and will reemphasize now, this blog is about my personal journey, my relationship with Christ. Like an ebbing tide there are highs and lows. I desire to meditate on my struggles and to learn from them and grow in Christ through this personal reflection. Although I might address “you”, I am also addressing myself—talking to myself, if you will—and God is teaching me through this. It is my prayer He is teaching you, too.

 So here I am God, standing amongst the rubble and still smoking ashes of what used to be me, my marriage and my life. You’ve taught me about trials and that sometimes we have to burn back down to the beginning and start over. I know you’ve never hurt me, but the consequences of my own sins and the consequences of someone elses sins have hurt me so deeply that I’m struggling to trust anyone, including you. I know you don’t deserve it. Forgive me for doubting. Teach me to trust you, and others once again. Let no bitterness take root in my heart. My trust was burned in this fire. And like many other things, it has to grow from seed once again. So God I ask you, grow only what is pure, what is good in your site. Make me new in you, and help me to start over. Amen.

 Is this a prayer you can relate to? I know I’m not the only one struggling with trust. Especially us women, when we are hurt we tend to punish everyone for it. I want to walk in love and look forward to a bright future, not wallow in the past and lose great opportunities because I can’t let go of what happened to me. But seriously, how do I trust again?  

I’ve been giving this issue a lot of thought, prayer and study. I think the first step to learning to trust anyone, is learning to trust God. 

Maybe you think you already do. That it’s not God you don’t trust, but other people. I used to think that too, in fact, I used to say that to my husband all the time as an excuse for my behavior and attitude. “It’s not God I don’t trust, it’s you!!” I would scream at the top of my lungs as we fought and argued. And sometimes, that may be the cold hard truth. Maybe you are trusting God but the person you are having a relationship with has been very untrustworthy—but hold on right there! Don’t you dare think for one minute that this lack of trust won’t try to weasel its way into your relationship with your heavenly Father as well! 

When someone has broken your bond of trust you begin to doubt not only your relationship with them but with everyone else around you. If this person was capable of dishonesty and disloyalty—what’s to say everyone else isn’t capable of the same thing? 

The truth is: as human beings we all posses the ability to break each others trust. We are all sinful by nature, we all fall short. (Romans 3:23) On the contrary, God our Father is not even capable of sinning. He isn’t even able to do it. No way, no how. So if God can’t sin, then he can’t break a promise, he can’t be disloyal, he can’t lie, he can’t steal, he can’t cheat, he can’t gossip. God cannot sin! Therefore, if God cannot do these things, then he cannot betray your trust. His word is solid, unchanging. It is real, it is true and a relationship you can always count on. In a fire, God is the base of that tree trunk—the rest of you may burn away but the base is still there, rooted, standing firm and ready to keep on growing.

 So if God is so good, even though our circumstances may not be good, still—how do we learn to trust? Well, we know He cannot sin, and if we dig into the Bible we will see He has a pretty darn good track record of reliability.  

One of my favorite stories—or books, rather—of the Bible is the Exodus, the story of how God delivered His beloved people out of slavery. God’s people had become slaves in Egypt. They were greatly oppressed by Pharaoh. As the years passed, they began to think that their Lord had forgotten them, had forsaken them. They were beaten, killed, mistreated, raped, in danger each day. Little did they know, that as the years passed, God was preparing the path to victory for them. Each day as their spirits were burdened, young Israelite Moses found favor in the kingdom. Until one day God called Moses to plead with Pharaoh and lead his people out of slavery. Finally after devastating and fatal plagues Pharaoh let them go, only to quickly change his mind and chase the Israelites throughout the desert. But even then, God provided great miracles to deliver them from the clutches of the Egyptians. The waters of the seas parted, he guided them as a great cloud during the day, and a fire ball by night; when they were hungry he provided manna from Heaven and quail for them to eat—through every storm, every trial, every heartbreak, through slavery and even 40 years spent wandering in the desert—Yahweh, the great I AM provided for his beloved chosen people. When they questioned him, when they turned away from him—he still loved them, he brought them back, he reminded them about his goodness and mercy.

This story always makes me cry. I love the Exodus. I love to see the promises fulfilled. When I read how quickly the Israelites turned against God even after he had just delivered them from slavery, I am reminded of myself. How quickly after a trial do I forget my grief and pain? How quickly we fall back into the sins that got us where we were—and yet, God our father loves us so deeply, so truly, so faithfully, so completely and utterly unconditionally that he continually goes as far as it takes, even forty years in a desert, even death on a cross—to show us, that no matter the situation, our great God provides!

Can I get an AMEN?!

This is only one example of God keeping His word; of God pouring out mercy, love and compassion; of God healing the broken when sin had left them in chains. You see, even when we get ourselves in bad situations, or when others lead us into bad circumstances and bad things happen to us—God goes out of His way to bring us back to Him. 

So we can see throughout history that God’s word is good-you can take Him to the bank, so to speak—but STILL, how come it is so hard to trust Him? He won’t let you down, he won’t hurt you. It doesn’t mean that hard times won’t come and it doesn’t mean you won’t get hurt. But it is imperative to understand that when you are hurt—it’s not God’s fault. It might be our own, it might be someone else’s, it might just be an accident, but you can rest assured that you can trust in God. 

Let’s think about trust—what is it? Well, in order to trust someone, you have to let them in. You have to give them a piece of you; whether it’s deep and personal or something simple, you have to let them in. And once you’ve been hurt and betrayed it becomes really hard to let someone in. But you can’t live your life in loneliness and punish yourself (and everyone else) because of the hurt you once experienced. You have to allow yourself to become vulnerable. And by letting someone in, not only are you allowing them to get closer to you—but you also relinquish a measure of control.  

Ahhh…so that’s where the real root of distrust lies—in our eternal struggle to be in control. You see, we were never meant to be in control, God is in control! And yet we constantly struggle, trying to grasp what is already in His hand. We worry, we stress, we lose sleep, we become depressed, we struggle. And every time we do one of these things, what we are really saying is, “God, I don’t trust you to take care of this situation, so I’m taking it into my own hands.” And because we try to take from God what we can’t—we struggle.

So if you are ready to turn your life around—to trust God—to let Him in, to find relief from your suffering, then you must let go of the rope and stop pulling in this losing battle of tug-a-war. Stop trying to snatch what is firmly in God’s grasp! Relinquish control, surrender to God. Then and only then will you even begin to break down the walls you’ve built around your heart and let Him—and everyone else—in.  

You can trust God—you can let Him in and tell Him anything and everything. By trusting God to be in control of your life you will be able to take small steps in trusting others again too. Practice discernment and be wary of the people that you trust—but never ever worry about trusting God. He made you, He knows you and He will not hurt you. He loves you, and unlike the world—His love is unconditional.  

Even little children sing and understand that after all…He’s got the whole world in His hands!

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

Fear

I have a very specific memory that is rooted in my mind. From time to time it surfaces with such clarity that I feel as if I am reliving the moment. This memory has to do with my worst fear: the one thing that would cause me to unravel at a moment's notice, to lose composure and become a wreck.

I was in the sixth grade, a tween of only twelve years. I recall sitting with my best girl friends in class. We were passing around a very special book. Each friend could fill out a profile with fun and informative facts about themselves. Such as: favorite color, favorite food, secret crush (everyone’s was a boy named Kyle), birthday, etc. One of the questions was, “Your worst fear”.

Even at such a young age I remember having a maturity that most of my other friends didn’t yet possess. As I read through my friends’ answers they were all repetitious, “spiders”, “heights”, “getting my period”. But I, on the other hand, was afraid of something much, much deeper. Something intangible.

So what was my worst fear, you ask? My worst fear…is being alone.

Not alone for a few hours, no, I rather enjoy quiet time to myself. No, even as a tween, my worst fear was that I would grow up and be lonely. That I would end up an unwedded woman in an empty house, with heart full of love and no one to give it to…completely lonely. 

Quite different from my classmates indeed.

This fear has gripped me and has had an ugly hold on my heart ever since then. I have always feared a lonely life. Not having someone to divulge my heart and soul to. Not having someone to hold at night, to cry on, to laugh with…to love.

And yet, here I sit, in the very predicament that I feared my whole life. 

Isn’t it funny how God can use the toughest and most trying ordeals to teach us amazing things about ourselves…about Him? Well, through all of this, God has taught me a cornucopia of valuable lessons. Through this trial, the Lord has confronted me about my worst fear, about my sin.

That’s right, fear is a sin. Now just to be clear fear and being scared are two very separate things. Fear is something deeply rooted, something that is long lasting, long term. Whereas being scared is momentary, it is fleeting. Being scared is not a sin. We are all scared from time to time. But it is when we allow those things that scare us to take root, and grow in our hearts and transform into monsters and become fear—then we have crossed the line into sin territory.

So how is fear a sin? It says in God’s word (the Bible) that “There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear…” (1 John 4:18). 

We know that “God is love” (1 John 4:8), and true, perfect Godly love is defined quite poetically (even if now cliché) in 1 Corinthians 13:4-13…

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…⁸ Love never fails…¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Let’s do an exercise. Read that scripture again, only this time replace the words “love” and “it” with “God”, because we know that God IS love. Go ahead; re-read it, I’ll wait…

“Love God is patient, love God is kind. It God does not envy, it God does not boast, it God is not proud. ⁵ It God does not dishonor others, it God is not self-seeking, it God is not easily angered, it God keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres… ⁸ Love God never fails…¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love God. But the greatest of these is love God.”

…Did it sound different that time? Let’s do the same thing with the verse from 1 John 4:18… 

“There is no fear in love God. But perfect love God casts out fear…”

There is no fear in God. So…are you in God? Not just reading the Bible, not just praying, and not just believing, but are you walking and trusting and loving God in the same manner that Corinthians says you should be? 

I know I wasn’t before this great trial came into my life. I had surrendered certain things to the Lord. I had given him many things, laid them down in order to follow Him. But my fear? How could I surrender something so intangible, something so deeply rooted in the depths of my being, of who I am? Something so incredibly personal?

 

Well God wants it all. Not just parts of you. Not just the pretty things. He wants the good, the bad, the ugly. But why? Why would I need to give up my fear, why should He care? 

Because fear was holding me back from a closer relationship with my great Creator.

When I feared loneliness, it meant that I wasn’t trusting the Lord to provide for me. It meant that I was taking my future into my own hands instead of having the faith to know that He won’t leave me high and dry. When I was fearing loneliness and crying because I don’t have a husband by my side—I was telling God that He wasn’t good enough for me.

 

Wow, what an ugly, horrible statement! What a slap in the face to someone who has bent over backwards and gave over His Son so that I could have freedom! Lord, forgive me for trespassing against you!

This epiphany has truly changed my heart! Lord, carry me through my loneliness, grant me peace and fulfillment to enjoy the cup you’ve given to me. And should you chose that my future be a future of solitude, grant me the patience and contentment to enjoy it, and to live for your glory!

I used to have many fears. I can look them all in the eye now, without trembling, without sadness or tears. I have put my faith, hope and love in Jesus—I have handed him the deed to my life, signed my will over to His Will. I entrust to Him every dark corner of my life as well as every glorious success. You can have it all, Lord Jesus. For when I surrender myself to You, I find an overwhelming sense of peace that gives me strength.

So what is your worst fear? What grip does it have on your life? Are you ready to hand it over to the Lord? He is willing to bear your burden and trade your fear for peace, if only you release your grasp and surrender unto Him…