A Promise Kept

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

"Everything works together for the good of those that love the Lord." Romans 8:28

If you've followed my blog for the past year or so, you might be getting sick of these verses. (After all, I reference them in nearly every entry.) Like a favorite song or catchy tune that you can't seem to get out of your head, these verses are constantly on 'repeat' on my heart. Over and over again I chant them. They have become my battle cry, my strength, what gets me through each day and gives me the endurance to keep going. I have clung to these verses white-knuckled with every ounce of courage and hope that I have. With every fiber of my being, as a desperate, broken woman I have clung to these promises from God, grasping tightly to the hope that someday they would come true for me.

Someday...

Someday all of this pain will work together for my good.

Someday...

Someday the Lord will prosper me, give me hope and a future.

Someday...

Friends, rejoice with me! Praise God with me! Worship and shout out because the LORD my God, my Savior Jesus who has made these promises to me (and to you) has made good of His word, and that someday is NOW.

These verses were once just dreams and hopes, now they are promises kept, proof of Jesus' compassionate and faithful, enduring love! God has truly used the pain and the brokenness to heal me, to grow me, to teach me, to mature me. God has strengthened me through these trials. He has traded my pain and sorrows for joy and smiles. He has swapped my despair and depression with hope and confidence. God has made me whole. He has provided for my every need and blessed me. Truly I proclaim to you, that He has kept His word!

And if God has kept these promises to me, why should I have any doubts that He will faithfully fulfill all other promises He has made? I have searched my soul, I have studied His word, and I have cried out in prayer. Friends, I tell you, I have found no reason to doubt God. He is true. He has been true throughout the ages, and He has demonstrated time and time again throughout my life that He will never leave me, nor forsake me.

"What then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

A few weeks ago I went for a rather long hike. As I sat in a large walnut tree grove I prayed to God and asked Him many things. I unloaded the burdens of my heart to Him. I begged Him for mercy. I asked Him to finalize this divorce, to set me free and bring me into the future that He promised. As I cried and prayed, I felt the urge to read my Bible. So I opened my Bible app on my phone. The first page it opened was a Verse of The Day. As I read the verse I began to choke on tears. God heard my prayers, and He responded in a real and true way. I read the words of Romans 8:31 over and over again, smiling more and more each time. "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Let me tell you friend, your prayers don't bounce off the ceiling. God hears you. God loves you, and whether you see it or not, He is responding to you.

Recently I decided that I wanted to get to know the heart of God better. I've never read the Old Testament and I felt like I was missing out on the rich heritage of my people, of God's people, of God Himself. So I started to read. As I read through Exodus I noticed something about God that was so utterly profound and still rings true in my life today. God performed miracles in order to set the Israelites free and bring them out of the land of Egypt and out of slavery. He did these things because He loved His people, because He heard them cry out, because He had compassion and did not want them to suffer and because He had promised their ancestors that He would deliver them. And yet for forty years after He set them free they struggled against Him, wandering aimlessly in the dessert. And here's the rub--God did not free the Israelites so that they could continue to be slaves, lost, hopeless in the desert. No! God freed His beloved children so that He would deliver them out of slavery and into the promised land, to give them hope and a future!

I began to see the connection between the desert-wandering Israelites and myself. I have wandered for over a year now through this desert-like Limbo of the divorce process; at times, losing hope, and other times grasping firm to it as the only option I had left. But what I've come to realize through my dear Israelite brothers and sisters is that my compassionate Father God did not free me from an abusive marriage so that I could continue to be bound and wander the desert. No! God saved me, so that He could bring me out of desperation and into the promised land, into the future that He said He would!

I trust Him. I faithfully follow Him and with all my heart I trust Him. I've wandered in the desert for so long, but the promised land is just over the horizon, I can see it, a blur coming into view. 

Friends, please pray for me. Sometime this week or the next, my divorce paperwork will once again go to the judge for final judgement. I have done all that he has asked. I have made all the corrections and refiled and waited and waited. I know that all this time has been for good reason and that God has used every situation to better me. I have grown through this time in the "desert" and I know, I just know it, I feel it deep in my soul, that God is going to deliver me. Please pray that He will. Pray that he moves Judge Powers' heart, pray for a miracle.

I pray for you too, that no matter where you are in life, no matter what your current struggle is, that you would hold firm to God's promises. I pray that God is using my life, my story, my struggles as a way to show His awesome glory and power to you. You are loved and cherished. Thank you for joining me on my journey, I pray that God blesses you abundantly and reveals His glory and wisdom to you.

I love you friends, and more importantly, Jesus loves you with an unconditional love that has no bounds. May we learn to not be Israelites lost in the desert, pointing our fingers at God and blaming Him, but instead learn to faithfully follow Him and trust that He is guiding us to the promised land. 

After all, "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

"I Walk By Faith" is one of my favorite worship songs; and it epitomizes what I have been through and am going through!

Hold Me Together

I recently bought the CD "Black&White" by the band Royal Tailor. I cannot express how much I love this CD! The band's encouraging lyrics accompanied with the upbeat dance music really moves me. I decided to buy this CD after hearing the song "Hold Me Together" on Air1 radio and I'm so glad I did!

The chorus of this song says
"Can you hold me together?
Can your love reach down this far?
Can you hold me together?
Cuz without you holding my heart, I'm falling apart."

This song is me in so many ways. I find strength and courage knowing that He CAN hold us together and His love DOES reach down this far! And yes, without Him we can fall apart, but He loves us so much and He is holding us together so that even when we fall apart, the pieces are still in His hands and He can put us back together. AMEN!

I found this great video on YouTube where the lead singer of Royal Tailor (Tauren Wells) is explaining the meaning behind the song "Hold Me Together". It really inspired me today. The video is below, and below that is the music video of the song. I pray that these inspire and encourage you today. God bless you!

Trust

TRUST—it’s much more than just a four letter word; it’s an action, it’s a feeling. It’s deep and personal. At times it’s easy to do. But once you’ve been burned, it can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Broken trust doesn’t just affect one relationship, but can affect every relationship you will ever have.

 So the question is: once your trust has been destroyed by someone, how can you learn to ever trust anyone again? 

Of course I have struggled with this very problem over the last few months. The issue of trust is on my heart every day. It surges through my brain, racks my body with anxiety and eats away at me. I have come face-to-face with the most devastating realization; that the very closest relationship I’ve ever had was based entirely on lies. 

I won’t go into details about my deteriorated marriage or even my heart breaking divorce. This blog isn’t about him, it’s about me. And up until six months or so ago, he was a part of me—and to some extent he still is—but that part is fading and I am learning how to be just Amanda once again. So like I’ve said before, and will reemphasize now, this blog is about my personal journey, my relationship with Christ. Like an ebbing tide there are highs and lows. I desire to meditate on my struggles and to learn from them and grow in Christ through this personal reflection. Although I might address “you”, I am also addressing myself—talking to myself, if you will—and God is teaching me through this. It is my prayer He is teaching you, too.

 So here I am God, standing amongst the rubble and still smoking ashes of what used to be me, my marriage and my life. You’ve taught me about trials and that sometimes we have to burn back down to the beginning and start over. I know you’ve never hurt me, but the consequences of my own sins and the consequences of someone elses sins have hurt me so deeply that I’m struggling to trust anyone, including you. I know you don’t deserve it. Forgive me for doubting. Teach me to trust you, and others once again. Let no bitterness take root in my heart. My trust was burned in this fire. And like many other things, it has to grow from seed once again. So God I ask you, grow only what is pure, what is good in your site. Make me new in you, and help me to start over. Amen.

 Is this a prayer you can relate to? I know I’m not the only one struggling with trust. Especially us women, when we are hurt we tend to punish everyone for it. I want to walk in love and look forward to a bright future, not wallow in the past and lose great opportunities because I can’t let go of what happened to me. But seriously, how do I trust again?  

I’ve been giving this issue a lot of thought, prayer and study. I think the first step to learning to trust anyone, is learning to trust God. 

Maybe you think you already do. That it’s not God you don’t trust, but other people. I used to think that too, in fact, I used to say that to my husband all the time as an excuse for my behavior and attitude. “It’s not God I don’t trust, it’s you!!” I would scream at the top of my lungs as we fought and argued. And sometimes, that may be the cold hard truth. Maybe you are trusting God but the person you are having a relationship with has been very untrustworthy—but hold on right there! Don’t you dare think for one minute that this lack of trust won’t try to weasel its way into your relationship with your heavenly Father as well! 

When someone has broken your bond of trust you begin to doubt not only your relationship with them but with everyone else around you. If this person was capable of dishonesty and disloyalty—what’s to say everyone else isn’t capable of the same thing? 

The truth is: as human beings we all posses the ability to break each others trust. We are all sinful by nature, we all fall short. (Romans 3:23) On the contrary, God our Father is not even capable of sinning. He isn’t even able to do it. No way, no how. So if God can’t sin, then he can’t break a promise, he can’t be disloyal, he can’t lie, he can’t steal, he can’t cheat, he can’t gossip. God cannot sin! Therefore, if God cannot do these things, then he cannot betray your trust. His word is solid, unchanging. It is real, it is true and a relationship you can always count on. In a fire, God is the base of that tree trunk—the rest of you may burn away but the base is still there, rooted, standing firm and ready to keep on growing.

 So if God is so good, even though our circumstances may not be good, still—how do we learn to trust? Well, we know He cannot sin, and if we dig into the Bible we will see He has a pretty darn good track record of reliability.  

One of my favorite stories—or books, rather—of the Bible is the Exodus, the story of how God delivered His beloved people out of slavery. God’s people had become slaves in Egypt. They were greatly oppressed by Pharaoh. As the years passed, they began to think that their Lord had forgotten them, had forsaken them. They were beaten, killed, mistreated, raped, in danger each day. Little did they know, that as the years passed, God was preparing the path to victory for them. Each day as their spirits were burdened, young Israelite Moses found favor in the kingdom. Until one day God called Moses to plead with Pharaoh and lead his people out of slavery. Finally after devastating and fatal plagues Pharaoh let them go, only to quickly change his mind and chase the Israelites throughout the desert. But even then, God provided great miracles to deliver them from the clutches of the Egyptians. The waters of the seas parted, he guided them as a great cloud during the day, and a fire ball by night; when they were hungry he provided manna from Heaven and quail for them to eat—through every storm, every trial, every heartbreak, through slavery and even 40 years spent wandering in the desert—Yahweh, the great I AM provided for his beloved chosen people. When they questioned him, when they turned away from him—he still loved them, he brought them back, he reminded them about his goodness and mercy.

This story always makes me cry. I love the Exodus. I love to see the promises fulfilled. When I read how quickly the Israelites turned against God even after he had just delivered them from slavery, I am reminded of myself. How quickly after a trial do I forget my grief and pain? How quickly we fall back into the sins that got us where we were—and yet, God our father loves us so deeply, so truly, so faithfully, so completely and utterly unconditionally that he continually goes as far as it takes, even forty years in a desert, even death on a cross—to show us, that no matter the situation, our great God provides!

Can I get an AMEN?!

This is only one example of God keeping His word; of God pouring out mercy, love and compassion; of God healing the broken when sin had left them in chains. You see, even when we get ourselves in bad situations, or when others lead us into bad circumstances and bad things happen to us—God goes out of His way to bring us back to Him. 

So we can see throughout history that God’s word is good-you can take Him to the bank, so to speak—but STILL, how come it is so hard to trust Him? He won’t let you down, he won’t hurt you. It doesn’t mean that hard times won’t come and it doesn’t mean you won’t get hurt. But it is imperative to understand that when you are hurt—it’s not God’s fault. It might be our own, it might be someone else’s, it might just be an accident, but you can rest assured that you can trust in God. 

Let’s think about trust—what is it? Well, in order to trust someone, you have to let them in. You have to give them a piece of you; whether it’s deep and personal or something simple, you have to let them in. And once you’ve been hurt and betrayed it becomes really hard to let someone in. But you can’t live your life in loneliness and punish yourself (and everyone else) because of the hurt you once experienced. You have to allow yourself to become vulnerable. And by letting someone in, not only are you allowing them to get closer to you—but you also relinquish a measure of control.  

Ahhh…so that’s where the real root of distrust lies—in our eternal struggle to be in control. You see, we were never meant to be in control, God is in control! And yet we constantly struggle, trying to grasp what is already in His hand. We worry, we stress, we lose sleep, we become depressed, we struggle. And every time we do one of these things, what we are really saying is, “God, I don’t trust you to take care of this situation, so I’m taking it into my own hands.” And because we try to take from God what we can’t—we struggle.

So if you are ready to turn your life around—to trust God—to let Him in, to find relief from your suffering, then you must let go of the rope and stop pulling in this losing battle of tug-a-war. Stop trying to snatch what is firmly in God’s grasp! Relinquish control, surrender to God. Then and only then will you even begin to break down the walls you’ve built around your heart and let Him—and everyone else—in.  

You can trust God—you can let Him in and tell Him anything and everything. By trusting God to be in control of your life you will be able to take small steps in trusting others again too. Practice discernment and be wary of the people that you trust—but never ever worry about trusting God. He made you, He knows you and He will not hurt you. He loves you, and unlike the world—His love is unconditional.  

Even little children sing and understand that after all…He’s got the whole world in His hands!

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11