Being Sculpted

When God is trying to teach me a lesson, He often has to tell me the same thing multiple times, through different outlets and various people; and it’s usually not until the tenth time that I finally realize, Oh Lord! I get it now! I hear you—I hear you.

I’ve been going through that for a long time now. My stagnant divorce and the cumbersome painful baggage I carry because of it tugs at my heart and emotions. There are droughts of deep depression. There are mountains of gloriously happy days. But for every peak, there is a valley as deep as the mountain is high.

This divorce has drug out far longer than it should have. Papers have been misfiled. The judge has rejected my paperwork multiple times. And now, I have to go to court to explain why there were mistakes. And the court date has been set for a day I cannot attend. Of course!

Yesterday threw me into hysterical tears. “If it’s not one thing, it’s another!” My boss exclaimed as I called her in tears explaining why I couldn’t return that afternoon. (P.s. Thank you Lord for such a kind and compassionate manager!) I then found myself on the doorsteps of a dear friend who held me as I cried, even though she didn’t know why I was there unexpectedly, sobbing on her shoulder. (P.p.s. thank you Lord for my compassionate friend!)

I know God is trying to teach me something. Obviously. Well, I know He wants to build my patience, because I’m a go-getter type of woman with a typical American attitude of I-want-it-all-and-I-want-it-NOW! I think about where I used to be on the patience scale and where I am now, and I think Hey! I’m doing great, I’m so much better than I used to be. And then through these storms and trials God tells me Yes, you are better, but you’re nowhere near where you need to be. You see, God doesn’t want us to compare ourselves to who we used to be, or even to those around us. No. God left us one comparison, and that was Jesus Christ.

Through my hysterical tears yesterday, my sweet friend told me, “God is molding you!” as she scraped my arms like a sculptor would shave unwanted clay from a statue, “And being molded hurts. But he’s making you stronger. He’s trying to teach you something.” She related a recent cancer scare she had, and how God had used that looming unknown to strengthen her and teach her.

I thought about that all night. When I went home I went for a run. In my heart I cried out to God, God! I just can’t do this anymore. I’m not strong enough. I just can’t fight this battle anymore. Lord, I can’t do this. I’m stepping down, I give this to you. Please Lord, please fight for me.

And through my tears, and sweat and gasping for air (mind you, I was running, and uphill no less…) God’s sweet, but firm voice said to me, Finally! Sweet thing, I’ve been trying to tell you this for a loooooong time. Remember this: I’m the one wearing the gloves. This was never your fight to begin with. I got this! Just trust and follow me.”

Wow, I love it when God gets my attention. Okay God. It’s hard for me to see why you would take a seemingly simple divorce and draw it out so long. But I know and I trust that it’s because there is a lesson in all of this. You are building me, preparing me and creating me to be the strong faithful woman that I need to be, that YOU have planned me to be.

Earlier in the day I cried out in prayer as I drove home, God! Things aren’t going according to plan; it’s just one mess up after another! Then God stopped me in my tracks. Not going according to plan...and whose’ plan is that Amanda? Ouch. God, forgive me. I have my own plans, and desires. You’re right. Help me to remember that when it all seems to be going ‘wrong’ that truly everything is going according to plan—Your plan, Your good and perfect plan. I trust you, I am following you.

When my husband abandoned me and I discovered the lies and secrets, I never once asked God why. Some people just need to know why things are happening. I don’t need to know why, because He’s already told me in His word. Every storm, every trial, everything good and bad, everything works together for the good of those that love the Lord! (Romans 8:28) He uses every experience in our lives to prepare us for the next. Who I am now is not who I need to be in the future. Who I am now is not who I will be forever. God! Please mold me. Prune me of the things that hold me back. It hurts, God it hurts! But I know through the pain I will experience victory!

Recently a friend of mine posted something along the lines of “The pain and suffering of sore muscles after a workout is a reward for a job done well.” At first I thought that was strange, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. Yes, it hurts to be shaped and molded, but when you push on through the pain, you experience the satisfaction of seeing the change! Can I get an Amen?!

So I put away my tears. I gathered the pieces of my broken heart, and gave the gloves back to God, who always had them anyway. This morning I awoke and prayed and read a daily devotional from Girlfriends in God (you can sign up for their daily devotions here.) There was no doubt that God was still shaking me by the shoulders and teaching me a lesson.

I know this blog is already quite long, but I’d like to post the devotional. Please read through the whole thing. You won’t be disappointed!

Storms Are For Our GoodApril 24th, 2012 By Mary Southerland

Today’s Truth

Psalm 46:1 (NRSV) “God is our refuge and strength, a tested help in times of trouble.”  

Friend to Friend

While vacationing in the mountains, a man watched as a lumberman occasionally jabbed his sharp hook into a log, separating it from the others floating down the mountain stream. The man asked the lumberman why he was separating some of the logs.

The worker replied, “These logs may all look alike to you but a few of them are very different. The ones I let pass are from trees that grew in the valley. They were always protected from the storms. Their grain is coarse. The ones I have hooked and set apart from the rest came from high up on the mountains. From the time they were small, they were beaten by strong winds. That toughens the trees and gives them a fine and beautiful grain. They are too good to use for plain lumber so we save them for our best work.”

I don’t like storms. Blue skies and bright sunshine are my personal preference. The same is true in life. I often think boredom is highly underrated and tend to long for a day without problems, a crisis or some kind of disaster. When a storm does hit, my first reaction is to look for a way of escape. I want to avoid pain and sidestep complicated situations if at all possible. However, looking back over my life, the reality is that my greatest growth and the deepest truths God has to offer have been accomplished through the fiercest storms.

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He feverishly prayed for God’s rescue, but with every day that passed, his hope weakened. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood for protection from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. Everything was lost. Stunned with grief and anger, the man cried, “God, how could you do this to me!” The next morning, he woke to the sound of a ship approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. “How did you know I was here?” the weary man asked. “We saw your smoke signal,” they replied.
Storms are for our good.

Let’s Pray

Father, I want to thank You for the storms in my life because they make me turn to you. They keep me on my face before You. I am desperate for Your power and presence at work in my life. Anything that makes me cry out to You can be counted as a blessing. I love You, Lord, and trust You with every storm that comes my way.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

Read 1 Peter 4:12-13 “Do not be surprised at the painful things you are now suffering. These things are testing your faith.” (ICB) In your own words, describe the testing you are going through today in your life. How is it testing and strengthening your faith?

Read 2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT) “We have proved ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, our sincere love, and the power of the Holy Spirit.” This verse lists the qualities God wants to create in us through storms that come our way. Which ones are present in your life? Which ones is He trying to produce in you today? Are you willing to let Him do so? 

More from the Girlfriends

Your trials are many and you have been battered by some brutal storms. I know.  But more importantly, God knows. In Him, you are a storm survivor.  And when you are face to face with a storm, you are standing on the edge of discovery. Don’t tell God how big your storm is. Tell your storm how big your God is!

Did you catch that?!?! The whole devotional spoke—no SCREAMED at me! Especially the verses 1 Peter 4:12-13 and 2 Corinthians 6:6. God couldn’t be more crystal clear. The painful things I am suffering through are testing my faith in order that God may grow my purity, understanding, patience, kindness and sincere love, all through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I am dumb-founded, stricken with a loss for words. God, I hear you—I hear you! Open the eyes of my heart. Mold me, make me, shape me more and more like you! May these trials make me, not break me. I know where you want my heart to grow and I pray for the humility to be obedient and let these tough times build me. I am Yours and all I have is Yours. You can have it all. Thank you Lord. I praise You and thank You for Your goodness and mercies. Thank you for seeing the big picture when all I see is the here and now. Lead me Lord, I’ll follow.

Thank you for joining me in this journey my friends. Be encouraged my friends, be encouraged my soul!

Love,

Amanda