While I'm Waiting

It has been three years this month since my [ex] husband left me for a life of drugs, booze and crime. The month of June used to make me depressed. But now, I am rejoicing; for God has done so much in me and my life through these past three years. I feel like a completely new woman: spiritually, emotionally, mentally and even physically. I have been abundantly blessed—and it would not have been possible if it had not been for the suffering I endured.

When I was going through that dark valley of loss and grief, people would constantly direct me to James 1: 2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” I used to read that over and over and try my hardest to have joy despite the pain. But only now do I truly see the joy in the trial. I had glimpses of it then, but now I am able to see it clearly.

It is this clarity that allows me to have joy now, amidst any momentary trials and storms I encounter. I have experienced pain and tragedy, and God used it to build me, to grow me and to strengthen me. Because of the past, I know that God is faithful and loving, that He hears me, He sees me, and that He is working on my behalf. God has an amazing, unfailing track record of keeping His promises. He doesn’t change just because our circumstances do.

“For everything there is a season,” states Ecclesiastes 3:1. Although the season I am currently in is filled with abundance and peace, there are still storms and trials in my life. There is one in particular that seems to preoccupy a lot of people (including myself). No matter where I go I get the sideways looks, the awkward half smiles and timid stuttering questions:

• Some beat around the bush— “So, uh, what’s new in your life?”
• Others are more straight forward—“…So…are you seeing anyone?”
• And even bolder are those— “I have a friend who knows a guy who goes to this church and…”

(Cue melodramatic music) 

That’s right, the plight of a single woman.

Kermit the Frog says, “It ain’t easy being green.” Yeah well, it ain’t easy being a single woman either. If you are content with your singleness, people think something is wrong with you. If you are yearning for your soul mate—still!—something is wrong with you. Goodness, I could write you a ranting novel about the horrid, overused, cliché (read: unhelpful and hurtful) things people say to me.

But I won’t. Because despite the fact that when people say those things I silently envision punching them in the face—I know that deep down, those words are coming from a good place and are out of love. I know everyone longs to see me strong and independent, but also have my love story come true. I know you want that for me, but gosh, don’t you think I want it too?

But, “for everything there is a season”…
...and this, this just isn’t that season.

For a while I began to wonder if I had done something wrong. Am I being punished? Why is everyone else moving on, settling down and yet here I stand—left behind? Being single felt like a curse—a disease that causes coupled-up friends to forget your name and evenings to become hours of quiet loneliness.

But then I hear the words of James echoing in my soul, “Consider it joy, Amanda, even in this. For just like in the past, this too will strengthen and grow your faith.” I have learned that nothing is ever meaningless to God. Being a single woman has grown me in many ways. I have faced challenges, and have been (wonderfully) forced to do things on my own. I have learned whom to rely on, and how to ask for help. I have had amazing experiences in this season. All of this has been for a reason, and there is joy in that!

...And yet, despite knowing that there is joy and so much opportunity in this season, some days I lie in bed having a merciless pity party for one. There’s no one out there for me! Maybe God wants me to be lonely forever. It’s been so many years; maybe I am meant to be one of those single women for life, after all. God, do you even care?!”

I was recently reading Joanna Weaver’s book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, and I found the exact description of my struggle. Weaver calls this the “Three Deadly D’s of Destruction,” and they are:

• Distraction
• Discouragement
• Doubt

She says, “Throughout time, Satan has resorted to these tactics to bring down God’s best and brightest. The underlying strategy is fairly simple: Get people’s eyes off God and on their circumstances. Make them believe that their ‘happiness’ lies in the ‘happenings’ that surround them. Or send them good news—about somebody else. When they’re thoroughly discouraged, tell them God doesn’t care. Then sit back and let doubt do its work.” (Weaver, 17)

There you have it. Those depressed days followed by lonely nights and wallowing pity parties—are bold-faced attacks from Satan himself. Doubt is not of God—faith is! Doubt, when left unchecked by the Word of God, can fester into a poisonous snare of unbelief.

“Unbelief brought down Judas—he refused to trust God’s timing. Unbelief hardened Saul’s heart—he closed his eyes to the rightness of God’s ways. Unbelief kept the Israelites in the wilderness for forty years because they questioned God’s ability to lead them. And it was unbelief way back at the beginning of time that opened a doorway of darkness in a world designed for pure light.” (Weaver, 26)

So once again, for the umpteenth time in my life, I can relate to the Israelites. I’ve seen the hand of God provide and guide, and yet I turn around and question His sovereign faithfulness, and doubt whether He will actually come through for me. And because I doubt…I wait.

Years ago, on a particularly trying day, my wonderful friend Stephanie said to me, “God is molding you!” as she scraped my arms like a sculptor would shave unwanted clay from a statue. “And being molded hurts. But he’s making you stronger. He’s trying to teach you something.” In the midst of my divorce, and those years of waiting, God had wanted to teach me and grow me. It’s no different now. While I, a modern day Ruth, wait for my Boaz, God desires to grow me and teach me. He has a purpose and a plan for me.

My heart has changed now. Although some days being single hurts, it is not a curse. It is a blessing! I now see my season of singleness as a tool to be used to further God’s kingdom, to spread His love, to seek Him, to be His hands and feet. Although I long for the day that I will be blessed with an equally-yoked team mate and captain—I trust that God has me exactly where I am meant to be. So I am casting away my doubt and taking back my faith. God has never forsaken me, He has always come through. 

Now I have come to ask God daily, “What can I do for YOU, now, in this season? How can I take full advantage of this time, for Your glory? Who is in need that I can help? Who can I be there for? Use me Lord, do not let me squander this time you have given me. This is not about me. This is about You, and loving Your people. Please help me, lead me and give me a heart to serve and to love abundantly and selflessly. And while I am waiting for the man you have planned for me, prepare me for the future and build me into a woman of faith, not one of doubt.”

I know that all of this waiting is a blessing. Waiting is preparing me and growing me—making me a better woman. The longer I wait, the more grateful I will be when I receive. Waiting does not mean sitting by the way-side bored and bleak. It is only that way if you make it that way. I, instead, choose to actively wait upon the Lord and His timing. I choose to utilize this time, to make the most of it; to seek out God’s will and to bring it to fruition. I want to reach out to others and be a blessing in a way that only this season will allow me to. 

In this season and trial, I choose to trust Him. I lay my heart in His hands, knowing He has always had the best of intentions for me. I choose to stop dating and trying to find a man for myself; and instead, I choose to focus on the LORD and seek Him, the creator of my heart, faithfully trusting that He is using this season to not only prepare me, but He is also preparing my future husband. I choose to use this time to grow closer to God, to serve Him and to serve His people as much as I can. I'm taking my eyes off of this trial, and am fixing them on Jesus instead.

While I am waiting, I pray, I serve, I seek.

While I am waiting, God is continuing to make me.

While I am waiting, He is working.

While I am waiting, I am trusting.

While I am waiting, I am rejoicing!

Citations:

Weaver, Joanna. ""Lord, Don't You Care"?." Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. Colarado Springs: WaterBrook Press, 2002. . Print.

And Then She Spread Her Wings

It was the eve before my big solo trip to the Austrian Alps. I was tired, I was worn, and I was despaired. I went for a run with my dog to refresh my spirit. As the sun dipped behind the rolling green hills, casting shadows upon the earth and painting the sky with miraculous colors—I hit my knees in a wild field. And there amongst the mustard flowers I cried my eyes out. I prayed my heart out. It had been nearly two years, two years since my husband had walked away from me. And yet, still, our divorce was not finalized and I felt the frayed ends of our unraveled relationship were still unraveling me. Desperately I cried out to God to help me move on, to close this chapter, as I had been praying for years.

I prayed, I cried, I prayed, I cried. And then I stood up from that place and dusted dirt clods from my knees, lifted my head to the Heavens and was given a great peace. Single, married, separated—whatever my marital status was—it didn’t matter. What mattered was the woman I had become because of this storm, and the faith that Jesus Christ had grown in me. God had helped me overcome seemingly insurmountable fears through these past two years, and I knew that He had done a miracle in me. I was, and am, a strong, independent, Godly young woman—a statement I could not have made two years ago.

So I walked out of that field with the peace that only the Holy Spirit can give; knowing completely that whether or not our divorce was finalized, it was finalized in my heart and in my spirit.

The next morning I awoke to an email from my lawyer, stating that just the day before, the judge had signed off my divorce, and I was now legally a single woman again. I was utterly amazed. Before I had even hit my knees in the field in faith—God had already moved and finished the work He was doing. Praise God, and all the glory be given to Him! In His perfect wisdom He delivered me and freed me at just the perfect time.

So I set off on a journey of a lifetime, all of sudden my trip to Austria turned into an enormous celebration of the woman I had become and the work that God had done. It was my Independence Day and I spread my wings as far as I could, and I flew. No, I soared. 

My trip had so many unexpected twists and turns. All of my plans fell through. After a few days isolated, alone in the Alps with nothing to do, I decided to make new plans. I packed my bags and headed to Salzburg and found a youth hostel. It was a leap of faith, to say the least. I like my life planned out, safe, predictable. But God, you know Him; He’s always up to something! But boy, did I have a blast! I went on a Sound of Music Tour, went to Vienna, to Bavaria, walked in the snow, went to Easter mass in a historic cathedral, ate and laughed and cried and thanked God for such an adventure.

My last night I sat above the city wall and looked out at the glittering lights and listened to the cathedral bells ringing out all over town, and I cried my eyes out (again). Never have I ever felt so free, so peaceful, so whole. I didn’t want to leave that place. But I knew that greater things were on the horizon for me. God had shown me so much, and even in just that week He showed me that I was braver and stronger than I ever thought I could be. 

So here I sit, four months later, a single young woman, in the blessed process of buying my first home, and eagerly living an abundant life. I am so thankful that God closed that chapter of my life and that He has allowed me to heal and fully move on. Of course, I get lonely sometimes, as any single person does. But I am thankful for the independent spirit God has given me. I know that in His perfect timing He will bring the right man into my life. In the meantime I am determined to live an abundant, adventurous life—the life I am meant to live! Each day is a precious gift that will never come again. Each day is an opportunity to grow and thrive. I am going to live this one, beautiful (sometimes messy and chaotic) life that God has blessed me with—one day at a time—with a grateful heart and my eyes set firmly and securely on Jesus.

A Life Without Fear: The Year of Adventure!

I was 23 years old when my husband of seven months left me. I had just begun my life, and yet it was over at the same time. The earth and everything I held dear crumbled beneath my feet. I was shattered. I was broken. I was alone, and I was lonely. I looked at my past and thought, “How did I ever end up here?” I looked at my ghastly circumstances and pondered, “What am I doing?” and then hopelessly wondered, “Where am I going?”

The truth is—I had accepted Jesus Christ into my heart and life when I was 18 years old, but I wasn’t living for Him. (I certainly thought I was at the time, but that’s the funny thing about time, you see things so differently in retrospect.) I prayed and asked for things, but I didn’t really believe they would happen. I went to church and enjoyed it. I went on mission trips and at times was on fire with passion, but my flames always smoldered. I overslept instead of reading my Bible. I overslept on spiritual growth. I ignored the things God wanted and instead replaced them with things I wanted—after all, this is my life. I built my life around the man I loved, and who loved me…or so I thought. He was my foundation. He was my rock. He was the center of my happiness.

 He was also the chain around my neck that ultimately sunk me and anchored me to the dark and murky depths of depression, to which I was tethered for a grueling 12 months.

I was a house built on sand. When the storms came, I was beaten, ripped to pieces, my foundation creaked and moaned. My boards splintered, my beams broke. Every piece of me was washed away and destroyed. And there I stood, in the middle of the storm, completely exposed.

Sometimes God only needs to remodel you: add a little paint, maybe even strip off the last layer first, lay down new floors, and add some décor. But not me. My spirit was a house condemned. “Not fit to live in,” said the sign across the door of my heart. God knew the work that needed to be done. Not even my foundation could be salvaged. 

So he ripped it down. All of it. He ripped it away. It was tragic, it was painful, it was horrible. And yet, it was freeing, it was beautiful, it was a relief. In the year that followed, I suffered through muddy depressions and struggled to figure out who I was. What do I like to do with my time? What kind of woman am I? Is this who I want to be? 

Then God began to rebuild. He carefully chose a solid Rock foundation (Himself), and lovingly selected each beam, and he built me anew: a completely different design. I am a new woman. I have a renewed love and vigor for Jesus Christ and His ministry of love. My past is gone, and here I am, stronger than ever because of the nightmares that I have endured. God had to rip down everything I had built by my own selfish desires, and he had to rebuild me from the ground up, to be the woman he always planned for me to be.

And Dear Lord, oh how I am thankful; thankful for the searing pain, and for the healing. I know God is a God of compassion and that he truly does bind up the broken hearted. I know, for he has healed my broken heart.

As I reflected on the year 2012, I say goodbye to it with both exasperation and happiness. There was good, and there was very bad. There was pain, and there was joy. I had finally begun to live my life, and not only so, but I dared to even enjoy it too! I thought about my humble circumstances, how far I had come, and what lies ahead in the future.

The last year and a half have been a sojourn to say the least. I realized that over the years, I had somehow spun a web of fear in my mind so thick that I had convinced myself that there were invisible limits on my life. “I can’t do this!” I would say. “I cannot do that!” Echoed my mind. “I’m too scared!” “I might be hurt.” “I can’t do it alone.”

LIES. All of it. Satan’s whispers in my ears, deceiving me as if it were my own voice reasoning with myself. Convincing me of a long list of things I could not do. I couldn’t have fun. I couldn’t go out. I couldn’t be alone. I couldn’t do so many things.

Well I’m done with can’ts. I’m done with a life that is limited to the boring and safe. I am done being controlled by fear. I AM A NEW CREATION IN CHRIST (2 Corinthians 5:17) and I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH! (Philippians 4:13) Obviously the long list of fears and “can’ts” that I had constructed over the years were a lie. 

So I made a decision. I decided to live a life without fear. There is no more room for fear in my heart. There is no more room at all. Christ died so that I may have life, and not only that, but so I would enjoy it. Every day that speeds by will never come again. It is time to live this life that I have been blessed with. It is time to step out of the door…and go on a few of adventures. 

So this is it, 2013: The Year of Adventures! I have made a list of things I have always been too afraid to do, or have somehow convinced myself that I could not do. I am going to check those things off my list. Cross them off with great satisfaction and joy. I am going to live this beautiful life that God gave me, with Him leading the way, and guiding me. I choose to walk in love and joy (even when sadness comes my way) and seek the adventure and fun in each opportunity.

Join me friends, in laying down your fears, taking up your crosses and living the purposeful lives that you were made for. You won’t regret it.

Adventure #1: January 6^th, 2013 –Skydiving

I cry at the top of roller coasters. Yes. It’s true; I really am that much of a wimp. Or should I say used to be. 

Today, my best friend of 16 years and I drove to NorCal Skydiving in Cloverdale, CA and took the plunge. I was ecstatic. There wasn’t one moment that I was afraid. I was overjoyed. I loved the plane ride up; I loved the jump, the freefall, the landing. I have never in my life felt so peaceful and serene as I was when freefalling and looking over the glorious beauty of the land.

It was a perfect adventure, and something I had convinced myself was far too dangerous and scary for the likes of me. As we floated down my instructor laughed as I told him how it was nothing like I had nightmares about. He said to me, “You are afraid of things you don’t know anything about! How can you be afraid of something you’ve never done?” And Jimmy was right. How can I fear something I have not done? For years I limited myself, and yet here I was careening down to the earth from 13,000 in the air, tears ripping from my eyes and the biggest smile on my face and my heart. I didn’t even scream.

Today was the best birthday ever. 

Here’s to a life without fear.

Here’s to adventures!

A Promise Kept

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

"Everything works together for the good of those that love the Lord." Romans 8:28

If you've followed my blog for the past year or so, you might be getting sick of these verses. (After all, I reference them in nearly every entry.) Like a favorite song or catchy tune that you can't seem to get out of your head, these verses are constantly on 'repeat' on my heart. Over and over again I chant them. They have become my battle cry, my strength, what gets me through each day and gives me the endurance to keep going. I have clung to these verses white-knuckled with every ounce of courage and hope that I have. With every fiber of my being, as a desperate, broken woman I have clung to these promises from God, grasping tightly to the hope that someday they would come true for me.

Someday...

Someday all of this pain will work together for my good.

Someday...

Someday the Lord will prosper me, give me hope and a future.

Someday...

Friends, rejoice with me! Praise God with me! Worship and shout out because the LORD my God, my Savior Jesus who has made these promises to me (and to you) has made good of His word, and that someday is NOW.

These verses were once just dreams and hopes, now they are promises kept, proof of Jesus' compassionate and faithful, enduring love! God has truly used the pain and the brokenness to heal me, to grow me, to teach me, to mature me. God has strengthened me through these trials. He has traded my pain and sorrows for joy and smiles. He has swapped my despair and depression with hope and confidence. God has made me whole. He has provided for my every need and blessed me. Truly I proclaim to you, that He has kept His word!

And if God has kept these promises to me, why should I have any doubts that He will faithfully fulfill all other promises He has made? I have searched my soul, I have studied His word, and I have cried out in prayer. Friends, I tell you, I have found no reason to doubt God. He is true. He has been true throughout the ages, and He has demonstrated time and time again throughout my life that He will never leave me, nor forsake me.

"What then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

A few weeks ago I went for a rather long hike. As I sat in a large walnut tree grove I prayed to God and asked Him many things. I unloaded the burdens of my heart to Him. I begged Him for mercy. I asked Him to finalize this divorce, to set me free and bring me into the future that He promised. As I cried and prayed, I felt the urge to read my Bible. So I opened my Bible app on my phone. The first page it opened was a Verse of The Day. As I read the verse I began to choke on tears. God heard my prayers, and He responded in a real and true way. I read the words of Romans 8:31 over and over again, smiling more and more each time. "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Let me tell you friend, your prayers don't bounce off the ceiling. God hears you. God loves you, and whether you see it or not, He is responding to you.

Recently I decided that I wanted to get to know the heart of God better. I've never read the Old Testament and I felt like I was missing out on the rich heritage of my people, of God's people, of God Himself. So I started to read. As I read through Exodus I noticed something about God that was so utterly profound and still rings true in my life today. God performed miracles in order to set the Israelites free and bring them out of the land of Egypt and out of slavery. He did these things because He loved His people, because He heard them cry out, because He had compassion and did not want them to suffer and because He had promised their ancestors that He would deliver them. And yet for forty years after He set them free they struggled against Him, wandering aimlessly in the dessert. And here's the rub--God did not free the Israelites so that they could continue to be slaves, lost, hopeless in the desert. No! God freed His beloved children so that He would deliver them out of slavery and into the promised land, to give them hope and a future!

I began to see the connection between the desert-wandering Israelites and myself. I have wandered for over a year now through this desert-like Limbo of the divorce process; at times, losing hope, and other times grasping firm to it as the only option I had left. But what I've come to realize through my dear Israelite brothers and sisters is that my compassionate Father God did not free me from an abusive marriage so that I could continue to be bound and wander the desert. No! God saved me, so that He could bring me out of desperation and into the promised land, into the future that He said He would!

I trust Him. I faithfully follow Him and with all my heart I trust Him. I've wandered in the desert for so long, but the promised land is just over the horizon, I can see it, a blur coming into view. 

Friends, please pray for me. Sometime this week or the next, my divorce paperwork will once again go to the judge for final judgement. I have done all that he has asked. I have made all the corrections and refiled and waited and waited. I know that all this time has been for good reason and that God has used every situation to better me. I have grown through this time in the "desert" and I know, I just know it, I feel it deep in my soul, that God is going to deliver me. Please pray that He will. Pray that he moves Judge Powers' heart, pray for a miracle.

I pray for you too, that no matter where you are in life, no matter what your current struggle is, that you would hold firm to God's promises. I pray that God is using my life, my story, my struggles as a way to show His awesome glory and power to you. You are loved and cherished. Thank you for joining me on my journey, I pray that God blesses you abundantly and reveals His glory and wisdom to you.

I love you friends, and more importantly, Jesus loves you with an unconditional love that has no bounds. May we learn to not be Israelites lost in the desert, pointing our fingers at God and blaming Him, but instead learn to faithfully follow Him and trust that He is guiding us to the promised land. 

After all, "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

"I Walk By Faith" is one of my favorite worship songs; and it epitomizes what I have been through and am going through!

Making The Grade Is Not Enough

One sunny morning two weeks ago I awoke early with a cheerful disposition. (This may seem normal to you but the words “early” and “cheerful” along with “morning” are about as rare as a blue moon in my life.) “Today is the day!” I said with a smile as I jumped out of bed. “Today is the day I will go down to the courthouse and close this chapter of my life!” So I got dressed and skipped my way downtown. I prayed all the way, “God I know you’ve drawn this divorce process out for a purpose, but I am praying boldly and faithfully that you will wrap this up…today!”

I turned a corner to get in line for some free legal help. After nearly two hours in line my sunny disposition had not changed. I was so hopeful. I stepped up to the counter, explained my situation to a quizzical woman. She took my paperwork and came back a few minutes later. “I’m so sorry,” she said as my heart sank, “but the only person who can guide you in this matter is on vacation. I’m afraid you’ll have to come back in two weeks.”

My fellow divorcees in line looked at me with such sad faces “We’re so sorry!” they said, hoping for better for themselves. “It’s okay,” I told them, “what’s two more weeks?” But as I walked away down the hall, with each clickety clack of my heels, my heart was singing a much less hopeful song. “But God I was so sure, and I prayed with boldness like you word tells me to. I’ve done the things you’ve asked me to. My heart has changed. I’ve learned contentment. I’ve been sharing your love with others. I just don’t understand.”

Friend, I’d like to tell you that I’ve had a divine revelation in the last two weeks—but I haven’t. I’d like to say I know exactly why God is holding this back still—but I don’t. But you know what? That’s okay—really, I mean it—it’s okay! God has taught me about loving Him, following Him faithfully, being content and being patient. Through this last year He has taught me these things and maybe, just maybe, He is testing my faith to see whether or not I will walk the walk. It’s one thing to study hard and regurgitate the right answers on the test—but months later, do you still remember what you learned in class, can you apply it to your life and actually use it? Or did you just study enough to get by, and now all that time spent in class was a complete waste because you don’t remember a thing?

There it is! Did you catch that? There it is! The revelation I have been searching for—it’s not enough to simply pass the test—no, we must continually study and put into use what we have learned, lest we completely forget it and have to go through the class and test again. I am reminded of a scripture in the book of James, chapter one, verses 22-25. “²² Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. ²³ Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴ and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵ But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.”

I’m in tears, God is so good. He is a perfect Teacher. He doesn’t just want us to get good grades; He wants us to actually use the wisdom He gives us. He doesn’t want us to continually struggle with the same things over and over. He desires for us to blossom and grow, to produce fruit, to move on to the next class.

I have my prerequisites for life; I have passed the beginners class. But do I remember enough from it to pass the next?

I know that this is about walking in faith, about persevering through long suffering and continuing to be hopeful and have faith. Like Jesus said, ⁹ “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” (Luke 11:9). Jesus says don’t give up! Keep going, no matter how many times you have to pound on the door, eventually someone will get up and open it!

As I read Luke 11:9 and I prepare to go again to court I am reminded of the story Jesus shared about the persistent widow in Luke 18: Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. ² He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. ³ And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

⁴ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, ⁵ yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

⁶ And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. ⁷ And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? ⁸ I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly…

You know what I really love about that scripture? The part that says the purpose of the story Jesus shared was to encourage His disciples to “always pray and not give up.” You see, faith is easy when you get what you want. But it’s a heck of a lot more challenging when every door you try to open is locked. But don’t be discouraged! Jesus wants us to use what we learned, to continue to walk in faith, to keep knocking, to keep seeking, to “prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness and our sincere love…” (2 Cor. 6:6).

Lord, I pray that I will remember Your Word and all that You have taught me and brought me through. I know that the greatest way to remember is to continually read my Bible and pray. Forgive me for being lazy and not studying enough. Help me Lord to be successful in this longsuffering—to keep knocking, to keep seeking—knowing that You will deliver justice to me. I know that every day and every moment has a purpose. I know that all things are working together. You are God, I am not. When I prayed for you to wrap things up “today” what I was really saying was “wrap this up my way”. Forgive me Lord, may Your will be done, not mine. For I know that You have used this to make me new. So now my God I pray, please wrap this up Your way. However long it takes or whatever I have to do—I know it’s in your hands. I don’t need to worry. You will deliver me. I have faith and I boldly pray that you will go before me. Please set me free and help me to move on. But more than anything Lord, use this time in my life to draw me close to you—no matter the cost.

So I will keep knocking and seeking for my God has told me that He will ensure justice for me, and quickly—and wouldn’t you know it, my two weeks is almost over…

Be encouraged my friends, be encouraged my soul!

Love,

Amanda