A Promise Kept

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

"Everything works together for the good of those that love the Lord." Romans 8:28

If you've followed my blog for the past year or so, you might be getting sick of these verses. (After all, I reference them in nearly every entry.) Like a favorite song or catchy tune that you can't seem to get out of your head, these verses are constantly on 'repeat' on my heart. Over and over again I chant them. They have become my battle cry, my strength, what gets me through each day and gives me the endurance to keep going. I have clung to these verses white-knuckled with every ounce of courage and hope that I have. With every fiber of my being, as a desperate, broken woman I have clung to these promises from God, grasping tightly to the hope that someday they would come true for me.

Someday...

Someday all of this pain will work together for my good.

Someday...

Someday the Lord will prosper me, give me hope and a future.

Someday...

Friends, rejoice with me! Praise God with me! Worship and shout out because the LORD my God, my Savior Jesus who has made these promises to me (and to you) has made good of His word, and that someday is NOW.

These verses were once just dreams and hopes, now they are promises kept, proof of Jesus' compassionate and faithful, enduring love! God has truly used the pain and the brokenness to heal me, to grow me, to teach me, to mature me. God has strengthened me through these trials. He has traded my pain and sorrows for joy and smiles. He has swapped my despair and depression with hope and confidence. God has made me whole. He has provided for my every need and blessed me. Truly I proclaim to you, that He has kept His word!

And if God has kept these promises to me, why should I have any doubts that He will faithfully fulfill all other promises He has made? I have searched my soul, I have studied His word, and I have cried out in prayer. Friends, I tell you, I have found no reason to doubt God. He is true. He has been true throughout the ages, and He has demonstrated time and time again throughout my life that He will never leave me, nor forsake me.

"What then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

A few weeks ago I went for a rather long hike. As I sat in a large walnut tree grove I prayed to God and asked Him many things. I unloaded the burdens of my heart to Him. I begged Him for mercy. I asked Him to finalize this divorce, to set me free and bring me into the future that He promised. As I cried and prayed, I felt the urge to read my Bible. So I opened my Bible app on my phone. The first page it opened was a Verse of The Day. As I read the verse I began to choke on tears. God heard my prayers, and He responded in a real and true way. I read the words of Romans 8:31 over and over again, smiling more and more each time. "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Let me tell you friend, your prayers don't bounce off the ceiling. God hears you. God loves you, and whether you see it or not, He is responding to you.

Recently I decided that I wanted to get to know the heart of God better. I've never read the Old Testament and I felt like I was missing out on the rich heritage of my people, of God's people, of God Himself. So I started to read. As I read through Exodus I noticed something about God that was so utterly profound and still rings true in my life today. God performed miracles in order to set the Israelites free and bring them out of the land of Egypt and out of slavery. He did these things because He loved His people, because He heard them cry out, because He had compassion and did not want them to suffer and because He had promised their ancestors that He would deliver them. And yet for forty years after He set them free they struggled against Him, wandering aimlessly in the dessert. And here's the rub--God did not free the Israelites so that they could continue to be slaves, lost, hopeless in the desert. No! God freed His beloved children so that He would deliver them out of slavery and into the promised land, to give them hope and a future!

I began to see the connection between the desert-wandering Israelites and myself. I have wandered for over a year now through this desert-like Limbo of the divorce process; at times, losing hope, and other times grasping firm to it as the only option I had left. But what I've come to realize through my dear Israelite brothers and sisters is that my compassionate Father God did not free me from an abusive marriage so that I could continue to be bound and wander the desert. No! God saved me, so that He could bring me out of desperation and into the promised land, into the future that He said He would!

I trust Him. I faithfully follow Him and with all my heart I trust Him. I've wandered in the desert for so long, but the promised land is just over the horizon, I can see it, a blur coming into view. 

Friends, please pray for me. Sometime this week or the next, my divorce paperwork will once again go to the judge for final judgement. I have done all that he has asked. I have made all the corrections and refiled and waited and waited. I know that all this time has been for good reason and that God has used every situation to better me. I have grown through this time in the "desert" and I know, I just know it, I feel it deep in my soul, that God is going to deliver me. Please pray that He will. Pray that he moves Judge Powers' heart, pray for a miracle.

I pray for you too, that no matter where you are in life, no matter what your current struggle is, that you would hold firm to God's promises. I pray that God is using my life, my story, my struggles as a way to show His awesome glory and power to you. You are loved and cherished. Thank you for joining me on my journey, I pray that God blesses you abundantly and reveals His glory and wisdom to you.

I love you friends, and more importantly, Jesus loves you with an unconditional love that has no bounds. May we learn to not be Israelites lost in the desert, pointing our fingers at God and blaming Him, but instead learn to faithfully follow Him and trust that He is guiding us to the promised land. 

After all, "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

"I Walk By Faith" is one of my favorite worship songs; and it epitomizes what I have been through and am going through!

Making The Grade Is Not Enough

One sunny morning two weeks ago I awoke early with a cheerful disposition. (This may seem normal to you but the words “early” and “cheerful” along with “morning” are about as rare as a blue moon in my life.) “Today is the day!” I said with a smile as I jumped out of bed. “Today is the day I will go down to the courthouse and close this chapter of my life!” So I got dressed and skipped my way downtown. I prayed all the way, “God I know you’ve drawn this divorce process out for a purpose, but I am praying boldly and faithfully that you will wrap this up…today!”

I turned a corner to get in line for some free legal help. After nearly two hours in line my sunny disposition had not changed. I was so hopeful. I stepped up to the counter, explained my situation to a quizzical woman. She took my paperwork and came back a few minutes later. “I’m so sorry,” she said as my heart sank, “but the only person who can guide you in this matter is on vacation. I’m afraid you’ll have to come back in two weeks.”

My fellow divorcees in line looked at me with such sad faces “We’re so sorry!” they said, hoping for better for themselves. “It’s okay,” I told them, “what’s two more weeks?” But as I walked away down the hall, with each clickety clack of my heels, my heart was singing a much less hopeful song. “But God I was so sure, and I prayed with boldness like you word tells me to. I’ve done the things you’ve asked me to. My heart has changed. I’ve learned contentment. I’ve been sharing your love with others. I just don’t understand.”

Friend, I’d like to tell you that I’ve had a divine revelation in the last two weeks—but I haven’t. I’d like to say I know exactly why God is holding this back still—but I don’t. But you know what? That’s okay—really, I mean it—it’s okay! God has taught me about loving Him, following Him faithfully, being content and being patient. Through this last year He has taught me these things and maybe, just maybe, He is testing my faith to see whether or not I will walk the walk. It’s one thing to study hard and regurgitate the right answers on the test—but months later, do you still remember what you learned in class, can you apply it to your life and actually use it? Or did you just study enough to get by, and now all that time spent in class was a complete waste because you don’t remember a thing?

There it is! Did you catch that? There it is! The revelation I have been searching for—it’s not enough to simply pass the test—no, we must continually study and put into use what we have learned, lest we completely forget it and have to go through the class and test again. I am reminded of a scripture in the book of James, chapter one, verses 22-25. “²² Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. ²³ Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴ and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵ But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.”

I’m in tears, God is so good. He is a perfect Teacher. He doesn’t just want us to get good grades; He wants us to actually use the wisdom He gives us. He doesn’t want us to continually struggle with the same things over and over. He desires for us to blossom and grow, to produce fruit, to move on to the next class.

I have my prerequisites for life; I have passed the beginners class. But do I remember enough from it to pass the next?

I know that this is about walking in faith, about persevering through long suffering and continuing to be hopeful and have faith. Like Jesus said, ⁹ “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” (Luke 11:9). Jesus says don’t give up! Keep going, no matter how many times you have to pound on the door, eventually someone will get up and open it!

As I read Luke 11:9 and I prepare to go again to court I am reminded of the story Jesus shared about the persistent widow in Luke 18: Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. ² He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. ³ And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

⁴ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, ⁵ yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

⁶ And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. ⁷ And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? ⁸ I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly…

You know what I really love about that scripture? The part that says the purpose of the story Jesus shared was to encourage His disciples to “always pray and not give up.” You see, faith is easy when you get what you want. But it’s a heck of a lot more challenging when every door you try to open is locked. But don’t be discouraged! Jesus wants us to use what we learned, to continue to walk in faith, to keep knocking, to keep seeking, to “prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness and our sincere love…” (2 Cor. 6:6).

Lord, I pray that I will remember Your Word and all that You have taught me and brought me through. I know that the greatest way to remember is to continually read my Bible and pray. Forgive me for being lazy and not studying enough. Help me Lord to be successful in this longsuffering—to keep knocking, to keep seeking—knowing that You will deliver justice to me. I know that every day and every moment has a purpose. I know that all things are working together. You are God, I am not. When I prayed for you to wrap things up “today” what I was really saying was “wrap this up my way”. Forgive me Lord, may Your will be done, not mine. For I know that You have used this to make me new. So now my God I pray, please wrap this up Your way. However long it takes or whatever I have to do—I know it’s in your hands. I don’t need to worry. You will deliver me. I have faith and I boldly pray that you will go before me. Please set me free and help me to move on. But more than anything Lord, use this time in my life to draw me close to you—no matter the cost.

So I will keep knocking and seeking for my God has told me that He will ensure justice for me, and quickly—and wouldn’t you know it, my two weeks is almost over…

Be encouraged my friends, be encouraged my soul!

Love,

Amanda

Learning to Fly

I’ve been blessed with a second chance at life; a second chance to love, to live, and decide who I am and for whom I stand. God has graciously lavished me with wisdom and pruned my sinful ways and my past life. And now like a mother bird who has equipped her baby with what she needs, God pushes me out of the nest and yells after me “Remember to spread those beautiful wings I gave you, and FLY!”

I tumble down parallel to the tree, gravity pulling me towards the earth. I smack a branch on the way down. “God, why would you do that to me?! I’m not ready for this!” I shriek as I plummet down, the earth getting closer. I hear shouting behind me, what did He say? The world is a blur of images around me. Suddenly His words are crystal clear in my mind, He’s been teaching me for so long, how could I forget this so quickly? Only mere yards from hitting the ground, a saving grace of wind swirls around me and I spread my wings, lifting me up towards the sky. I’m flying…I’m flying!!! I swoop victoriously through the air, reveling in my newfound victory as I beat my wings and victoriously turn towards my Maker in the heavens. “Thank you my Lord, I never would have flown if you hadn’t pushed me.”

“His divine power gives us everything we need for life and godliness.” 2 Peter 1:3

God has given me the power to do some truly amazing things—things I never thought possible. The biggest hurdle He has equipped me to overcome is living a single life. (It has been nine years since I was last single.) I used to think I needed a man—literally needed him. I was afraid to be alone. I was afraid to not have a companion. My happiness and sense of self-worth were completely and hopelessly tied to him. And worst of all, so was my faith. I sacrificed growth with God and traded it for an unhealthy relationship with a man who was not walking with God. Oh, but it wasn’t a waste of time—God has a way of turning our mistakes into our greatest lessons and using them to forever change us.

Being alone used to be my biggest fear…it’s not anymore. The past few months I’ve learned what it means to truly have a relationship with Christ. I’m not talking tradition. I’m not talking “I do it because I’m supposed to” or “because I have to” or “because that’s what my family wants me to do”. No, no, no…baby I’m talking ‘bout LOVE, L-O-V-E; the kind that makes you stay up late just so you can talk about nothing; the kind that makes you swoon and sing silly songs; the kind that you think about first thing when you wake up; so madly in love you’d drive any distance to see them, buy them any trinket just to make them smile; I’m talking head-over-heels, so this is real, bubbly feelings, giddy, excited, serious, committed LOVE.

YES! I am completely and madly in love with a man who changed my life and His name is JESUS. He has blessed me. He has planned what is before me and my heart is in His hands. I need not fear loneliness, because I have the One who will never leave me.

Wow. Getting to this point has been quite a journey, a tear stained and traumatic journey that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Because now I have my prize: now I firmly grasp what it is to be in LOVE and CONTENT in Jesus Christ, and nothing, no-thing could ever be greater than that.

I’m not saying that I don’t want to fall in love with a man someday, surely as my blood is red and the sky is blue I do! But what I’m saying, is that I’ve finally come to a place of contentment with being single. I enjoy my time alone—in fact, I look forward to it! I embrace myself, and I am learning to love me. My happiness is no longer dependent on someone else. My self-image and sense of worth is not dependent on whether or not he compliments my outfit or if his eyes wander the room. No. It’s me, just me and I am happy being me. I have time for me, and things and people I love. I don’t have to worry about him or check up on a story to catch a lie. I have time to grow in Jesus and have removed the stumbling block that kept me from doing so.

God has taught me what it means to be content and find joy in any and all situations. He has shown me how to stand for Him on my own. I think this is one of the many important lessons God wanted me to learn through all of this—that I must learn to stand firm in the faith by myself before I can stand with someone else.

I am so thankful that God has brought me through all that He has, and that He has revealed such wonderful wisdom to me. I can confidently stand as a single woman, holding on to each day as a gift and being thankful for every moment! I pray that you too would open your heart to what it is God is trying to teach you, and that you too would know the peace of contentment in all situations; and that when God pushes you out of the nest, you won’t fight the wind, but instead embrace it and use it to your advantage—fall in love with Jesus and learn to fly!

Be encourage my friends, be encouraged my soul!

Love,

Amanda

p.s. Here is a video of my favorite song right now, "Beautiful You" by Trent Monk. It's the sweetest love song to Jesus that makes my soul sing out and makes me want to dance around. You can't listen to this and not smile. I dare you.

Arriving

“She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25

Click-click-click-click-click…on and on go the menacing sounds of the suspenseful ride and gradual incline to the top of the track, all-the-while I’m holding my breath waiting for the unavoidable sudden, stomach clenching drop. I know it’s coming, but I can’t avoid it, it’s too late. I’m already on the coaster, buckled in and in motion. There’s no stopping what is to come…

A brief peaceful moment atop the track, overlooking everything, then in one split-second the wind gushes and blows me back, plummeting seemingly out of control to what surely must be the end. The wind rips tears from my eyes and streaks them across my face. I scream in fear of the unknown and cry out for it to stop, but the coaster continues its journey on. It must finish what it set out to do.  

After the horrific drop down, a wave of relief comes, but it’s short lived. A violent swing of momentum pushes the ride up, up, up, only to pummel back down, then up, and down, going through loops and twists with no sign of relief anywhere to be found on this strange and hopeless ride.

I gaze around but everything is a blur. How did I get here?  How did things get so out of control? God I can’t do this. I need you, please help me! My stomach is in knots and at any given moment I might just hurl everything I’ve ever eaten all of this whole train. When will this end? I think to myself.

As the ride continues I get smarter and learn to brace myself for the coming twists. I learn to look ahead to learn how to react to the different pieces of track. I try not to look too far ahead lest I get overwhelmed and panic, forgetting all I’ve been through and all I’ve learned to make it through.

I learn to cope with the sudden drops and constant blasts of wind. And just when I’m starting to accept the fate of this ride— WHAM the train slams to a stop and I’m pressed hard against the harness, hair windblown around my face.

Slowly the train lurches forward , bewildered I sit back it my seat as my train comes into the loading zone and my hardness clicks open. I pull myself up out of the train and walk to the glowing “exit” sign. As I stop to catch my breath, I look back at all the terrified people in line on the other side. And with a victorious smile I wave confidently to them and bravely proclaim, “It’s not that bad!”

Then I turn and leave for the next coaster, knowing that I can conquer that one too, because hey, I just did the impossible, something I never thought I could and now I stride on with joy and peace, laughing evermore, “bring it on!”

You’ve probably guessed by now that this story is a metaphor of my life this past year. In every way it truly has been a roller coaster. Yes, I’m still going through this divorce, but I feel like my train has come back to the loading zone. I’ve finally made it through the terrifying track, through the deep depression and into a meadow of contentment.

God has blessed me abundantly and taught me more in this past year than I have learned in my whole life. He has taught me about pain, about listening to and following His voice (not my own), He has taught me about perseverance, patience, contentment, grace, mercy, and love. In short, through the tribulation of losing my husband, God has revealed His true heart and His divine nature to me. When I thought there was no way, Jesus showed me His way. When I thought love was a lie, God unmasked the truth.

As I pull myself out of this coaster I am a new woman. I am no longer the scared girl that embarked on this journey. Through the twists and turns, the sudden drops and the fear—God has created me a new being.

I glance back at the roller coaster, and against all odds, I smile and I boldly pray “thank you for the ride,” because I know that although this was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, it was also the greatest. I see where I am now, on the other side and I wouldn’t change a moment. Because here I am, I have arrived…

“If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation. The old has gone away—behold! The new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

Contentment

God has been teaching me relentlessly these past few weeks. My last post shared with you how He is using my trials and troubles to build me up in purity, understanding, patience, kindness and sincere love, all through the power of the Holy Spirit. In order to grow these precious, priceless qualities within me, He is also teaching me about contentment; How to be satisfied with who I am, what I have, what I don’t have, and where I am in life.

I think that’s something we all struggle with. Both culturally and spiritually—contentment is a constant battle. Commercials, advertisements, the latest gizmos and gadgets; new cars, new homes, clothes, jewelry—we are constantly being smacked by a barrage of messages that say “You’re not good enough!” “You need better things!” “You’re not where you should be!” “Look at what they have!” “Your job sucks!”

And so we yearn. We cry. We covet. We desire for things we don’t need. We beat ourselves—and others—up. We develop a sense of entitlement, when really all these things are just fluff. The only thing we need is Jesus for our spirit, and food, clothing and shelter for our bodies. But in a world where we are grown to desire more, more, more; how can we learn to be satisfied with what we already have and where we are in life?

How can I be content being a 24-year-old woman who is going through a divorce, lives with her parents and is working a career that isn’t quite her passion or what she went to school for? After being on my own and in a relationship for so long, how can I be content depending on my parents and being single and lonely again?

I’ve been trying to discover that answer, and friends, I joyfully proclaim the response to you in this:

 ¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

 ⁹ What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³ That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.

(Ecclesiastes 3: 1-13)

You see, God doesn’t play it by ear, no ad libbing here! Before you were born He knew you, He created you, He planned each step, He knew when you would sin, and He planned out what HE would do in your life. So He knows that there truly is a season for everything.

There was a season when all I wanted was to get out of high school and go to college—and over time that happened. Then the season came where I worked hard through college and longed for the peace of graduation and no more homework—well, in God’s timing that happened too! What I am going through now will not always be! Read verse one again, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…” God says there is a season. Think of spring, summer, fall and winter—they don’t last forever! They last for just a time, and then they change.

I am going through a season of trials, sorrow and loneliness, but that’s all they are; seasons. They won’t last forever! And boy, oh boy does that give me hope! But I know that they are seasons, which means they come back around. This is why God uses each trial to strengthen us and teach us, so we will be better equipped for the next season.

Thank you God for the trials in my life for I know that through them you are building me. I have faith and confidence that this just a season. How long of a season, only You know. But I joyfully give thanks for my trials, and look forward to a sunnier season filled with abundance!

It’s my prayer that this gives you hope to endure whatever it is you’re going through. A little change of perspective can sometimes change your entire outlook, and in turn change how you deal with things.

Which reminds me of a devotional I read from Girlfriends in God a week or so ago. The author lamented about a day when she was so weary and so sick-and-tired of meaningless chores! She angrily mopped the kitchen floors that had just been cleaned and re-dirtied by her children. As she shoved the mop back and forth, all-the-while complaining and grumbling, God gave her a different perspective and she cried out to God. Thank you Lord for strong hands and health to be able to stand and hold this mop! Thank you for this home that I even have a floor to mop in the first place! Thank you for my messy children and the blessing of serving them and cleaning up after them.  (This is my paraphrased version.)

You see, God wants us to be content and thankful in every situation. Lately I’ve found myself complaining under my breath, mad about meaningless things, yearning for things that just aren’t in this season. And God had something to say about it, just a simple one sentence, but clear enough for anyone. “Do everything without complaining or grumbling.” (Philippians 2:14) God desires for us to be thankful and content with what we have, who we are, who HE is, His timing and where we are in life.

He changed my perspective. God, how blessed I am to have loving parents that are willing to take care of me in my season of need. How blessed I am to have good health. How blessed am I to have a wonderful job that pays for more than my needs! How blessed am I to be young and still have so many opportunities before me! God, your blessings are uncountable, You have been so good to me…

Yes, a little change of perspective, the confirmation from God that life comes in seasons, and a grateful attitude—all of these things God has used mightily in me these past few weeks. I pray that this too has blessed you, and that the things I have learned may teach you today.

I’d like to share an incredible sermon I heard this Sunday at church that really melded together all of the things that God has been saying to me. Pastor Rich preached a powerful message called “Godliness with Contentment is Eternal Wealth”. Click here to go to our church website and click on the sermon with the aforementioned title (or just click the play button) to listen to the sermon. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Be encouraged my friends, be encouraged my soul!

Love,

Amanda

Being Sculpted

When God is trying to teach me a lesson, He often has to tell me the same thing multiple times, through different outlets and various people; and it’s usually not until the tenth time that I finally realize, Oh Lord! I get it now! I hear you—I hear you.

I’ve been going through that for a long time now. My stagnant divorce and the cumbersome painful baggage I carry because of it tugs at my heart and emotions. There are droughts of deep depression. There are mountains of gloriously happy days. But for every peak, there is a valley as deep as the mountain is high.

This divorce has drug out far longer than it should have. Papers have been misfiled. The judge has rejected my paperwork multiple times. And now, I have to go to court to explain why there were mistakes. And the court date has been set for a day I cannot attend. Of course!

Yesterday threw me into hysterical tears. “If it’s not one thing, it’s another!” My boss exclaimed as I called her in tears explaining why I couldn’t return that afternoon. (P.s. Thank you Lord for such a kind and compassionate manager!) I then found myself on the doorsteps of a dear friend who held me as I cried, even though she didn’t know why I was there unexpectedly, sobbing on her shoulder. (P.p.s. thank you Lord for my compassionate friend!)

I know God is trying to teach me something. Obviously. Well, I know He wants to build my patience, because I’m a go-getter type of woman with a typical American attitude of I-want-it-all-and-I-want-it-NOW! I think about where I used to be on the patience scale and where I am now, and I think Hey! I’m doing great, I’m so much better than I used to be. And then through these storms and trials God tells me Yes, you are better, but you’re nowhere near where you need to be. You see, God doesn’t want us to compare ourselves to who we used to be, or even to those around us. No. God left us one comparison, and that was Jesus Christ.

Through my hysterical tears yesterday, my sweet friend told me, “God is molding you!” as she scraped my arms like a sculptor would shave unwanted clay from a statue, “And being molded hurts. But he’s making you stronger. He’s trying to teach you something.” She related a recent cancer scare she had, and how God had used that looming unknown to strengthen her and teach her.

I thought about that all night. When I went home I went for a run. In my heart I cried out to God, God! I just can’t do this anymore. I’m not strong enough. I just can’t fight this battle anymore. Lord, I can’t do this. I’m stepping down, I give this to you. Please Lord, please fight for me.

And through my tears, and sweat and gasping for air (mind you, I was running, and uphill no less…) God’s sweet, but firm voice said to me, Finally! Sweet thing, I’ve been trying to tell you this for a loooooong time. Remember this: I’m the one wearing the gloves. This was never your fight to begin with. I got this! Just trust and follow me.”

Wow, I love it when God gets my attention. Okay God. It’s hard for me to see why you would take a seemingly simple divorce and draw it out so long. But I know and I trust that it’s because there is a lesson in all of this. You are building me, preparing me and creating me to be the strong faithful woman that I need to be, that YOU have planned me to be.

Earlier in the day I cried out in prayer as I drove home, God! Things aren’t going according to plan; it’s just one mess up after another! Then God stopped me in my tracks. Not going according to plan...and whose’ plan is that Amanda? Ouch. God, forgive me. I have my own plans, and desires. You’re right. Help me to remember that when it all seems to be going ‘wrong’ that truly everything is going according to plan—Your plan, Your good and perfect plan. I trust you, I am following you.

When my husband abandoned me and I discovered the lies and secrets, I never once asked God why. Some people just need to know why things are happening. I don’t need to know why, because He’s already told me in His word. Every storm, every trial, everything good and bad, everything works together for the good of those that love the Lord! (Romans 8:28) He uses every experience in our lives to prepare us for the next. Who I am now is not who I need to be in the future. Who I am now is not who I will be forever. God! Please mold me. Prune me of the things that hold me back. It hurts, God it hurts! But I know through the pain I will experience victory!

Recently a friend of mine posted something along the lines of “The pain and suffering of sore muscles after a workout is a reward for a job done well.” At first I thought that was strange, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. Yes, it hurts to be shaped and molded, but when you push on through the pain, you experience the satisfaction of seeing the change! Can I get an Amen?!

So I put away my tears. I gathered the pieces of my broken heart, and gave the gloves back to God, who always had them anyway. This morning I awoke and prayed and read a daily devotional from Girlfriends in God (you can sign up for their daily devotions here.) There was no doubt that God was still shaking me by the shoulders and teaching me a lesson.

I know this blog is already quite long, but I’d like to post the devotional. Please read through the whole thing. You won’t be disappointed!

Storms Are For Our GoodApril 24th, 2012 By Mary Southerland

Today’s Truth

Psalm 46:1 (NRSV) “God is our refuge and strength, a tested help in times of trouble.”  

Friend to Friend

While vacationing in the mountains, a man watched as a lumberman occasionally jabbed his sharp hook into a log, separating it from the others floating down the mountain stream. The man asked the lumberman why he was separating some of the logs.

The worker replied, “These logs may all look alike to you but a few of them are very different. The ones I let pass are from trees that grew in the valley. They were always protected from the storms. Their grain is coarse. The ones I have hooked and set apart from the rest came from high up on the mountains. From the time they were small, they were beaten by strong winds. That toughens the trees and gives them a fine and beautiful grain. They are too good to use for plain lumber so we save them for our best work.”

I don’t like storms. Blue skies and bright sunshine are my personal preference. The same is true in life. I often think boredom is highly underrated and tend to long for a day without problems, a crisis or some kind of disaster. When a storm does hit, my first reaction is to look for a way of escape. I want to avoid pain and sidestep complicated situations if at all possible. However, looking back over my life, the reality is that my greatest growth and the deepest truths God has to offer have been accomplished through the fiercest storms.

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He feverishly prayed for God’s rescue, but with every day that passed, his hope weakened. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood for protection from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. Everything was lost. Stunned with grief and anger, the man cried, “God, how could you do this to me!” The next morning, he woke to the sound of a ship approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. “How did you know I was here?” the weary man asked. “We saw your smoke signal,” they replied.
Storms are for our good.

Let’s Pray

Father, I want to thank You for the storms in my life because they make me turn to you. They keep me on my face before You. I am desperate for Your power and presence at work in my life. Anything that makes me cry out to You can be counted as a blessing. I love You, Lord, and trust You with every storm that comes my way.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

Read 1 Peter 4:12-13 “Do not be surprised at the painful things you are now suffering. These things are testing your faith.” (ICB) In your own words, describe the testing you are going through today in your life. How is it testing and strengthening your faith?

Read 2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT) “We have proved ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, our sincere love, and the power of the Holy Spirit.” This verse lists the qualities God wants to create in us through storms that come our way. Which ones are present in your life? Which ones is He trying to produce in you today? Are you willing to let Him do so? 

More from the Girlfriends

Your trials are many and you have been battered by some brutal storms. I know.  But more importantly, God knows. In Him, you are a storm survivor.  And when you are face to face with a storm, you are standing on the edge of discovery. Don’t tell God how big your storm is. Tell your storm how big your God is!

Did you catch that?!?! The whole devotional spoke—no SCREAMED at me! Especially the verses 1 Peter 4:12-13 and 2 Corinthians 6:6. God couldn’t be more crystal clear. The painful things I am suffering through are testing my faith in order that God may grow my purity, understanding, patience, kindness and sincere love, all through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I am dumb-founded, stricken with a loss for words. God, I hear you—I hear you! Open the eyes of my heart. Mold me, make me, shape me more and more like you! May these trials make me, not break me. I know where you want my heart to grow and I pray for the humility to be obedient and let these tough times build me. I am Yours and all I have is Yours. You can have it all. Thank you Lord. I praise You and thank You for Your goodness and mercies. Thank you for seeing the big picture when all I see is the here and now. Lead me Lord, I’ll follow.

Thank you for joining me in this journey my friends. Be encouraged my friends, be encouraged my soul!

Love,

Amanda

Long Way Home

Do you ever feel like every door you encounter is closed?  I do. A lot. I battle depression but try to remind myself that things are already so much better, and over time God will heal all wounds and grow me. But still, life is a journey. Sometimes that journey feels like war. I'm knee high in the muddy trenches of this battle ground. I'm running for my life. Then I'm lost in the woods. And around the bend I'm safe on high ground. Then just a few more steps and I've found myself in another valley.

But I guess that is just how this journey goes. People trip us up. Sin tries to run us down. We mess up. But we have to keep on moving. If we stand still and cry in the shadows of the valley, we might miss out on the gloriously radiant sunshine that is just a few steps around the corner. 

So even when I'm weak, and feel so very alone, I must remember that Christ is walking with me. Not only is He walking with me, He is walking before me--leading me through the shadows, guiding me through the sunshine, carrying me when I'm too tired to keep going. He's always there. He's mapped out this journey. He knows where the path is going. And even when the valley's seem so deep, we must remember that He is in control, and that He guided us around even worse danger. 

He loves us, and we're just taking the long way home.

Love Is Real

I recently wrote a letter to the Pastors and Elders of my church to express my gratitude to them for all they have done for me in the last year, and to share with them all that God has taught me through this very painful time. It was a hard letter to write, but the Holy Spirit granted me the words of my heart. 

After receiving my letter, the pastors called me in tears and asked if I would share my letter with the church on Sunday. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am one of those weirdos that actually enjoys public speaking. But there's something about the pulpit, our large congregation, and bearing my soul that made my palms sweat, my voice quiver and my stomach nauseas.

I walked, knees knocking, up to the stage and before I even began speaking, I was in tears. I read my letter, and sobbed the whole time. It's been a long, hard road, and it's not over. I'm still journeying this path and going through so much. It's difficult to expose your true weaknesses to so many people. But when you do--such a rewarding thing happens--people rally around you, support you, and most importantly: they understand you in a real and true manner. You see, the most impactful thing we can do for Christ is share boldly what He has done for us. Testimonies, emotion, REAL life experiences are what touch hearts and souls. So as hard as it was, it was also incredibly wonderful.

I would like to share my letter with you as well. I hope that it inspires you. I pray that the Spirit would touch your heart. If you are broken or going through a tough time--I hope you will understand what I have gone through, having discovered my husband's alcoholism and addiction to crystal meth (among many other things) and then going through a divorce as he chose to leave me. I want to use my pain to show you that God can heal you too. If He could bring me through this, He can certainly bring you through too...

(Below is my letter)

Dear Pastors,

              I would like to humbly express my gratitude for all of your prayers and love for me throughout this past year. It has been by far the toughest season of my life and still continues to be a daily struggle. As I reflect on the last year and all that the Lord has brought me through, I cannot keep my heart from singing His praise, even through my tears. He has held me together in every moment. He has heard each prayer, wiped away every tear and filled every lonely void in my heart. His presence in my life is undeniable; and, although I have never felt so broken and hurt, I have also never felt so incredibly loved and fulfilled. To the world this makes no sense, but to my soul that has found peace in Christ—nothing has ever been so perfectly clear. Jesus can make anyone whole—even when so many pieces are missing—because He himself is able to become those missing pieces. When I thought I had lost it all, I discovered that I had all I needed in Christ Jesus, the lover of soul, my brother and best friend. It brings me to tears all over again, but this time, they are tears of joy.

              When my husband left me I was, and still am, devastated. As things progressively got worse I began to think that love was a lie; that all I had known about love was untrue. I began to question God’s love. Many people who I thought would be there for me weren't. They didn’t call, or write, or check on me. It was too much drama, too much to handle, too much work. They didn’t know what to say, so they didn’t say anything at all.
            We read that God is love, and that God sent His Son who died for us, and through this we can see His love. We read it, and try our best to believe it. But it’s not until someone shows us, and we experience God’s true love that we actually believe it.

            I want to thank you, and the saints of our amazing church, for showing me what true, Godly, Christ-like love really is. When I had given up on love, God demonstrated His love all around me, through so many people in our church. I received calls, letters, cards, e-mails, visits and more from people who loved me—even people I didn’t know. They wanted me to know that they love me, and more importantly, that God loves me.  Many shared their experiences with me and I began to realize that I wasn’t alone in what I was going through. Even those who didn’t understand what I was going through still knew what to say to me, because they know God’s word.

            I understand now why in James it says to have joy in trials; I understand now how trials create perseverance, hope and faith. When everything fell apart I knew there were two paths before me: I could allow this tragedy to break me and ruin everything, or I could hold fast to Christ and allow it to strengthen me and mold me. It’s obvious what the right path is, but walking it is another story.

            I cannot praise God enough for the love and strength I have found at Rockville Bible Church. You have prayed for me and with me. You have cried for me, and with me. My brothers and sisters made sure I didn’t fall away. Words could never express how God used Mike and Stephanie to change my life and draw me closer to Him. They showed me more love than I have ever known and they refused to let me fall away. My heart overflows with gratitude and sings a new song because of the love I have been shown.

            My friends, family and coworkers kept saying things to me like, “I’m so amazed at how well you’re doing,” and, “How are you getting through this?”

            In December, I came to the church for a movie night and watched Louie Giglio’s sermon “Hope When Life Hurts Most”. It sounded like something I needed to hear. In his sermon he said that the trials in our lives are like megaphones to the world. The way we react tells everyone around us a story. I began to think about my story, and what it’s telling the people around me. I thought about how people kept telling me how good I was doing despite the circumstances. And even though I felt so broken, I realized that God was being glorified through my brokenness. And I came to accept and be thankful for this heartbreak, because through my pain, people were seeing God’s great love moving. They saw love as real thing, able to heal hearts and mend broken lives. I began to finally understand Jesus’ pain, and why He would willingly lay down His own life.

I finally understand that great, great love; the love that glorifies the Father and speaks to the hearts of men through pain and struggles. My life is a megaphone and my trials are not just speaking they are yelling to everyone around me that GOD is bigger than my broken heart, that He has saved me and held me together—and in the end, that makes every fallen tear and every lonely night worth it.

            I praise God for His mercies. I can truly sing now, “This is the day that the LORD has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!” Not only can I sing it, but I actually mean it.

            I am still in so much pain and my heart is still broken. I am still haunted by my broken marriage and crushed by this divorce, but I know now that Jesus is more than enough for me. I read a church sign recently that said “Smooth seas don’t make for skilled sailors,” and I couldn’t stop laughing—because now I understand and am thankful for stormy seas. In my pain and sorrow I have come to know the Lord’s truth and love. Have I mentioned that I’m thankful? Because I just can’t stop saying it! Thank you!!! I love you!

            Even after all these months when others have stopped calling and have forgotten my pain—my brothers and sisters have remained faithful in checking on me and praying for me. As I journey down this path, please continue to pray for me, as I experience the highs and lows and depressions of this trial. I ask also that you to not stop praying for Valentin. Despite all of the pain he has caused, please do not become embittered. I urge you to love and to pray without ceasing for him; having faith that the Lord loves his prodigal son and is awaiting his return.

            I thank you again for showing me such love and grace, and praise God for the work He is doing through you and your ministry. I pray for you often and will continue to do so. Praise God for broken hearts and healed souls; praise God from whom all blessings flow.

            In Christ’s Love,

           

            Amanda

Click here to listen online to the great sermon Pastor Rich gave afterwards about Serving One Another In Love.