It was the eve before my big solo trip to the Austrian Alps.
I was tired, I was worn, and I was despaired. I went for a run with my dog to
refresh my spirit. As the sun dipped behind the rolling green hills, casting
shadows upon the earth and painting the sky with miraculous colors—I hit my
knees in a wild field. And there amongst the mustard flowers I cried my eyes
out. I prayed my heart out. It had been nearly two years, two years since my husband had walked away from me. And yet, still,
our divorce was not finalized and I felt the frayed ends of our unraveled
relationship were still unraveling me. Desperately I cried out to God to help
me move on, to close this chapter, as I had been praying for years.
I prayed, I cried, I prayed, I cried. And then I stood up
from that place and dusted dirt clods from my knees, lifted my head to the
Heavens and was given a great peace. Single, married, separated—whatever my
marital status was—it didn’t matter. What mattered was the woman I had become
because of this storm, and the faith that Jesus Christ had grown in me. God had
helped me overcome seemingly insurmountable fears through these past two years,
and I knew that He had done a miracle in me. I was, and am, a strong, independent,
Godly young woman—a statement I could not have made two years ago.
So I walked out of that field with the peace that only the
Holy Spirit can give; knowing completely that whether or not our divorce was
finalized, it was finalized in my heart and in my spirit.
The next morning I awoke to an email from my lawyer, stating
that just the day before, the judge had signed off my divorce, and I was now
legally a single woman again. I was utterly amazed. Before I had even hit my
knees in the field in faith—God had already moved and finished the work He was
doing. Praise God, and all the glory be given to Him! In His perfect wisdom He
delivered me and freed me at just the perfect time.
So I set off on a journey of a lifetime, all of sudden my
trip to Austria turned into an enormous celebration of the woman I had become
and the work that God had done. It was my Independence Day and I spread my
wings as far as I could, and I flew. No, I soared.
My trip had so many unexpected twists and turns. All of my
plans fell through. After a few days isolated, alone in the Alps with nothing
to do, I decided to make new plans. I packed my bags and headed to Salzburg and
found a youth hostel. It was a leap of faith, to say the least. I like my life
planned out, safe, predictable. But God, you know Him; He’s always up to
something! But boy, did I have a blast! I went on a Sound of Music Tour, went to Vienna, to Bavaria, walked in the
snow, went to Easter mass in a historic cathedral, ate and laughed and cried
and thanked God for such an adventure.
My last night I sat above the city wall and looked out at
the glittering lights and listened to the cathedral bells ringing out all over
town, and I cried my eyes out (again). Never have I ever felt so free, so
peaceful, so whole. I didn’t want to leave that place. But I knew that greater
things were on the horizon for me. God had shown me so much, and even in just
that week He showed me that I was braver and stronger than I ever thought I
could be.
So here I sit, four months later, a single young woman, in
the blessed process of buying my first home, and eagerly living an abundant
life. I am so thankful that God closed that chapter of my life and that He has
allowed me to heal and fully move on. Of course, I get lonely sometimes, as any
single person does. But I am thankful for the independent spirit God has given
me. I know that in His perfect timing He will bring the right man into my life.
In the meantime I am determined to live an abundant, adventurous life—the life
I am meant to live! Each day is a precious gift that will never come again. Each
day is an opportunity to grow and thrive. I am going to live this one,
beautiful (sometimes messy and chaotic) life that God has blessed me with—one day
at a time—with a grateful heart and my eyes set firmly and securely on Jesus.
