Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The End of Your Rope

I have been so incredibly stressed lately.

You see, my best friend and I have had to move in with my parents during this rather rough transitional period in our lives. It’s not ideal, but we are so very grateful to have a loving family that would take us in—emotional baggage and all. Even though my days are like a roller coaster and the healing process has been hard; I think I’m taking it better than my poor Leila. (By now, I should tell you that Leila is my six-year old black Labrador retriever.) Leila has always had a very independent, wild spirit. She loved living on the ranch. She had 80 acres of open space, a plethora of jack rabbits to chase, horses to run with, and another doggy companion to play with and love.

We have both suffered great loss and change. We moved to the suburbs and she went from 80 acres of freedom to the side of a house, fenced in. I couldn’t take our second dog, so my Leila has also lost her very best friend. I know how she feels. Everything is different now. We’ve lost so much. It’s hard not to focus on all the things you’ve lost—despite of all the wonderful things you do have.

Since the move Leila has become a different dog. She now has severe separation anxiety. She shakes and quivers when I put her outside because she knows it means I will be gone for the next nine hours. Despite heavy anxiety medicines from the vet, she still manages to go crazy. She’s completely chewed through the fence and escaped (twice), she’s learned how to hop the fence (we solved that by moving the trash cans away from the fence), and most recently she has learned to drag extremely heavy cinder blocks away from the fence and dig under the fence. Yeah, she’s very strong willed.

But when she escapes she only runs to the driveway or the front door and simply waits for me to come home. Other times she’s wandered down the paths that we take on our walks. All she wants is to find me. She does whatever she can to seek me. She’s lonely and sad, and during this time when so much is different, I am the one thing that has stayed the same to her—so she will do whatever it takes to get to me.

Wow.
I wish I had that same burning passion for God. To love Him so much that I absolutely need Him. That any time spent wandering away from Him would leave me shaking in sadness because He is my rock, the center of my joy and all that I need to survive. To know that no matter what changes, His love stays the same. What if I pursued a relationship with God in the same manner that my dog tries to seek me? What if I really treated Jesus like my best friend? If I sought Him with exuberant passion and every ounce of strength I had? Wow…I have so much to learn from my dog.

Last night I was in tears over the stress of my poor, anxious and lonely pup. My family is stressed and upset and I am definitely feeling the weight of everyone’s emotions on my shoulders. I was so sad and felt like public enemy number one, hiding in my room with my destructive but oh-so-loving-and-cuddly dog. I prayed to God that He would reveal the solution. That He would give me the strength and knowledge I need. At one point I cried out and said “Lord, I’m at the end of my rope! I just don’t know what to do!” and then I heard him laugh as he smiled and said to me, “Then you need to get a longer rope.”

He has such a good sense of humor, and I heard him loud and clear. “Have patience.” Life might not be ideal, and let’s be honest, it never will be. But that doesn’t mean we throw in the towel and pout and storm around when things are stressful. We shouldn’t give up, ever. I’m not just talking about my dog here people. When life is stressful, when storms are raging and you are blowing around and it seems as though you have lost everything—take a lesson from my dog. Now is not the time to give up; rather, it is time to run faster, dig deeper and seek God with everything you have. Don’t give up, keep seeking him; for it’s in these storms that we need him most. 

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. (Psalm 63:1)

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deuteronomy 4:29)

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

Monday, December 12, 2011

Hold Me Together

I recently bought the CD "Black&White" by the band Royal Tailor. I cannot express how much I love this CD! The band's encouraging lyrics accompanied with the upbeat dance music really moves me. I decided to buy this CD after hearing the song "Hold Me Together" on Air1 radio and I'm so glad I did!

The chorus of this song says
"Can you hold me together?
Can your love reach down this far?
Can you hold me together?
Cuz without you holding my heart, I'm falling apart."

This song is me in so many ways. I find strength and courage knowing that He CAN hold us together and His love DOES reach down this far! And yes, without Him we can fall apart, but He loves us so much and He is holding us together so that even when we fall apart, the pieces are still in His hands and He can put us back together. AMEN!

I found this great video on YouTube where the lead singer of Royal Tailor (Tauren Wells) is explaining the meaning behind the song "Hold Me Together". It really inspired me today. The video is below, and below that is the music video of the song. I pray that these inspire and encourage you today. God bless you!




Sunday, December 11, 2011

Hope

I don't have much to say today. My soul is filled with joy and grief at the same time. But I am greatly encouraged by the hope that I have in my God. A few days ago I felt so completely broken and sad. I was and am overwhelmed by Christmas this year. Not by the celebration of Christ's birth, but by the magnification of the loss of the one I loved. Oh sad Christmas songs--you and your gleeful melodies and ironically heart breaking lyrics--I never understood you, but oh how tragically I comprehend you now!

I am trying my very best to focus on Christ and the true meaning of Christmas; to keep Him at the center and still find joy in the wonderful holiday. But I must also allow myself to grieve this loss. It is only natural for me to feel lonely at this time.

I was driving and feeling like the weight of this world might just crush my shoulders at any moment. I felt lonely. I was listening to Klove radio and in between songs a man shared a story that made me stop the car and burst into tears. His word gave me such encouragement--such hope--and I want to share that with you too. The man said that although we might be experiencing such incredibly hard times--the fact that we are still breathing and on this earth is proof that God's will is not yet complete for us. Proof that God has marvelous things in store. He said that if God's will is not yet complete for us, that means that the most wonderful best times of our lives are yet to come! So even through these trials we can have HOPE because our great loving God has so much better in store for us!

I just burst into a flood of tears! What a message my soul needed! Times are hard. My heart is broken. I am lonely and sad. BUT...this is NOT the end! I am still here--I am still fighting this battle and living this life! There are so many marvelous things in store for me. Jesus loves me and has planned incredible things for me. To be used to further His kingdom and find fulfillment is it. Wow...thank you Lord!

This is not the end for you either. I don't know where you are today--how you are feeling or what troubles are knocking at your door. But please be encouraged my friends. The LORD your God has gone before you and has planned marvelous things for you. Even through pain and suffering, He will bring great joy--and that is how much He loves us!

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him. Truly He is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Fortress, I will not be shaken." (Psalm 62:1-2)

This song "My Hope is in You" by Aaron Shust is my song of the day. Please listen and be encouraged! Where is your hope?